Sunday, June 8, 2014

Things don't change

I guess it isn't too shocking given that my book is entitled The World Hasn't Progressed in 5,000 Years to have a topic that says things don't change.  The book talks about how the same debates that have been going on for centuries are still occurring but people don't realize that on the small scale, things don't change either.

I recently went to dinner with my 31-year-old former roommate who is dating a 24-year-old woman.  There is nothing wrong with this whatsoever.  I feel that once both parties are past college graduation, age doesn't really matter.  When my former roommate left however, I asked the girl about him.  She said, "well I like dating someone much older than me because they are more mature."  I told her, "Men don't mature past the age of 12" and pointed to where her boyfriend used to be sitting and said, "Case in point."
Her response, "Yea true"

Women have this belief that older men are more mature.  I believe the opposite is true, men are more mature than women, but that is something I've written about before. It seems though that the mistakes we make as children, we repeat in adulthood.  High school girls like assholes and they get burned time and time again and in adulthood they end up marrying an abusive man who beats her.  They never like the nice guy.  it is never like the movies.  The nice, respectful man finishes last and that's just as true at 14 as it is at 35 or even 45.  It doesn't matter how old you are or how often you get burned, you will never learn that the man who you're attracted to because he doesn't give a shit about anything also doesn't give a shit about you.

Now, let's talk about the dorky guy, that keeps to himself, actually does his own thing despite criticism from everyone else.  He is the true person that's secure with himself and the real mature one. But, he's not innocent.  Just as how he was a pussy in high school with making a move on girls, he doesn't learn in adulthood.  Sure, he can turn down sluts because he doesn't need hook ups to feel better about himself but when he likes a girl, he does nothing just like when he was in high school.

I am one of these dorky guys.  I have an affinity for redheads.  I often wonder where it came from.  I think the best explanation for it is I keep chasing my 1st girlfriend.  We'll call her Kera.  I dated Kera in 8th grade.  I actually dated her twice, totaling five months.  Not exactly a lasting relationship. During this whole time, I never kissed her.  I asked her out over e-mail the 1st time and over the phone the 2nd time.  I was so much of a loser, I didn't realize I had won.  I had gotten the girl. She said yes, I don't have to use any tricks, I can just kiss her.  I wanted to try to "fake French" her.  In that I put my arm around her, cover her mouth with my hand and kiss my hand but since my head is blocking it, it looks like we're making out. I was planning on moving my hand at the last second. She refused.  Simply because, she just wanted me to kiss her, which I never did.  It's been 16 years since this time.  I've had more years since this occurrence than I had life on Earth prior, yet I often wonder what it would have been like to kiss Kera.  As you may have guessed, Kera had red hair.  In college I fell in love with another redhead. This one I did get to kiss a few times but I never got her to say yes to me when I asked her out.  She wanted a casual friends-with-benefits, I wanted more.  Her and I are still friends to this day and I have no regrets with her as we are not compatible.  But, kissing her didn't make the regret with Kera go away.

I have  been asexual for the last nine years.  I often wonder if the two redheads in my life, the college one that married and had children with another man and Kera are the sole reasons for it.  I say it's because I lost my virginity and hated it so it ended my desire to try it again. I still think that's the reason but I'm not entirely convinced the two redheads didn't have something to do with it.  I haven't seen Kera since my junior year of high school.  One day I was telling a high school friend about Kera, and he told me to call her.  I actually remembered her home number from 8th grade.  I called it and her mom picked up and told me she was at work and then told me exactly where she worked.  Now, mothers of girls always liked me and Kera's mom was no exception.  Throughout my childhood I would hear, "You're the first guy I ever trusted my daughter with."  and now that I'm old, "You're the only guy I trust my wife/girlfriend/fiancee with."  I showed up to Kera's work and acted like it was random.  She saw right through it and she was actually getting off work five minutes after I showed up.  She stormed out of work and made a bee line for her car and drove away, she wanted nothing to do with me.  I never saw her again but I took that as a sign that I will never get a chance to make up for my idiotic prudeness as an 8th grader.

Fast forward to now.  I still am hesitant to make a move on a girl.  I feel awkward going in for a kiss.  The odd thing is, if she makes the move, I'm turned off as I think guys should make the first move.  But, when I'm too shy to make it, then what choice do I give her?  I hung out with a couple girls last year.  I got the urge to make a move but I never did.  Basically, the little 8th grade boy that I've imagined going back in time and smacking is still me.  One of the girls was adamant that she wasn't flirting with me and wouldn't want me to hit on her but she said yes when i asked her out.  Given that I spent the next 12 days trying to convince her that I actually liked her and it wasn't pity, then I called her damaged causing her to dump me to my relief.  During these 12 days, she invited me to her house.  She lived in Maryland, I live in New York.  I told her I had plans to go to Atlantic City, she dumped me after the weekend was over.  That was fine, I was happy about it actually.  But here's the point.  She probably wanted to hook up  but I blew her off.  This is Kera all over again, Kera wanted me to kiss her but I never did.  So, I've decided that just like the girl who never learns not to fall for assholes, I will never learn to just go for it.

autographed copies of my book The World Hasn't Progressed in 5,000 years  can be bought at the bottom of this page.