Many books have been written about the perfect marriage. There are many dating sites that ask a series of questions about your likes and dislikes to set up a profile that they can match you up with people. Me adding my thoughts to the pool seems like a drop in the ocean. Especially since I'm asexual, how can I speak about this? Well, in order to not like something, you have to know something about it. I believe my asexuality helps me to step back and look at relationships from an objective, non-emotive point of view.
If you ask people in good relationships what they like about their spouse, they say things like "he/she has 'it'" but can't describe "it." Or, "There's just something about her (from now on I'm going to speak as a heterosexual male, since that is what I used to be so 'spouses' will be feminine but my comments apply to men as well) Even in the movies they're vague as in "You complete me" or "yin to my yang." But what specifically is it? It's really just the ability to handle you.
The reason why I firmly believe that those who are 100% of a given culture should marry their own culture is becuase members of that culture have a unique ability to understand you. For instance, being Greek is such a large part of who I am. I have friends of other nationalities that range from off the boat to 2nd generations but trace their lineage to a particular country. I find that I can get along with Eastern Europeans because the geography and culture is similar to Greeks. What I realized is that people from other Orthodox Eastern European cultures don't really know how to handle me the way a Greek girl does. I don't even have to be that close to a Greek girl for them to know how to handle me. I do have a short temper and I do stubbornly dig my heels in and a lot of my closest friends either get intimidated or wait it out. The thing is, there is a way to deal with me in that particular situation. Most of my closest friends are girls, and one of them is Greek, she knows how to deal with it better than anyone when I get like this. What I noticed is though, I've never lost my temper and snapped around a Greek girl who didn't immediately know how to handle the situation. Greek casual acquintances of mine knows how to handle me better than my closest and dearest friends.
When you are married to someone, they will see you in every possibly mood that you could be in. You want that person to know what to do no matter what happens. It is not something that can be learned later in life. You can argue that these Greek girls know how to do it because their fathers act like Greek men so they grew up with it. I'll give some credence to this but I will say that I'm thoroughly convinced it can't be taught later in life.
Now some people say "I don't want to be handled" in which case, you're too insecure to be in a relationship. People can talk all they want about how they want someone who's smart, logical, funny,sensitive, can close a restaurant/bar with, balances me out etc. etc. but the most important thing is to ask yourself can this person handle you in every one of your moods. if the answer is yes, then the rest is just details.
I feel I would be remiss if I didn't include this. I spoke about my observance of how Greek girls know how to handle me. The thing is, I'm starting to realize that Dominicans seem to have this understanding too with me the way Greeks do. So, that adds a counter to another claim I made in this passage (If you are of a certain culture, you should stick with that culture) but independant of that claim, the main point is find someone that can handle you. Then, divorce is far less likely.
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