I've always been someone that prided himself on always being themselves. If people don't like me for me, then I want nothing to do with them just how they don't want anything to do with me, so we're good. But what if there is one thing different about your personality that offsets people. Can you make any concessions?
To be more specific, I do not like being in large groups of people. It's not something I'm comfortable with regardless of who the people are. I just spent Christmas with my first cousin once removed and his family. Since they usually assume I'm returning to Cleveland for the holidays to spend with my immediate family, their invitations normally come late. This one on December 22...prior to that date, I planned on being alone in my apartment watching the NBA. Most people consider this sad, in fact two other people invited me to their Christmas parties because they felt bad, but I turned them both down. I would have been content watching the NBA alone for Christmas but with my extended family, I can watch the NBA and hang out with people I truly enjoy spending time with, so I agreed.
To be clear, I love hanging out with them as I have watched my second cousins grow up and have gotten closer and closer with them. I went over to their house while they hosted Christmas. I was social and hung out with them but then I reached a point in the night where I just wanted to be by myself. This happens almost every time I'm in a group of people. A lot of times it gets me into trouble. I have another first cousin once removed who refuses to invite me to parties she hosts because I do this. What I realized this time, is that Arty, my first cousin once removed, and his family has always respected my privacy when I do this. Normally I wait until everyone is occupied than I slip into an area where nobody is and just stay by myself. This time, my cousin was asking me to play pool, and I looked at him and said, "Honestly, no, I just want to watch basketball" I had already played a lot of games throughout the night so saying I don't like playing pool would not have been believable. He said, "That's all you needed to say" he put the stick down and left the room. I found this odd, because I thought naturally he'd just ask someone else to play, but he and his brothers walked out of the room. It was as if they knew I had hit a moment where I wanted to be myself. As I watched the Lakers/Chicago game, Arty came in and asked me if I was okay or just chilling. I said I was just chilling and he left it at that.
At halftime of the game, after about 45 minutes of being alone, I rejoined the party and carried on without a hitch. Now, I know how I am when I'm in an uncomfortable environment, I lash out and before I say things, I ask myself if there is a more offensive way to say it and that's what I'll go with. This alone time stops me from doing this. As I reflect on this, I wonder why others don't have the reaction that Arty did. What is so disrespectful if a guest just wants to be alone for a little while? Why am I banned from houses for doing this? This doesn't go only for parties, I want to live alone, my roommate now is offended by that becuase he craves people. I'm more of an introvert, I don't like big groups of people....why is it so hard for people to just leave you alone? It hasn't affected my relationship with Arty or his family, and he's not like that at all. He loves groups of people, hosting and public speaking....yet even though it's not a trait he possesses, he understands my needs. But even if you don't understand it, why would you be offended by it? So no, I don't think you should ever make concessions, If you need to do something for your own sanity, you should do it. If the people you think care about you truly care about you, they'll understand.
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