It seems common sensical that what qualities you look for in a girlfriend should be what you look for in a wife. True, most people have to date many people before they find the one they want to marry, but that's more testing the market and seeing what you like and dislike so you can better judge what your wife should be like...but does this work?
It's odd I think about these things as I am asexual, but just because I don't want to do something (get married and/or date) doesn't mean I can't ponder about it. My parents have the best marriage that I have seen, yet they are completely opposites. My dad is a scientific-minded, black and white, hard facts kind of guys, and my mom starts most sentences with "I feel" and is more an intuitive type. What ends up happening is they balance each other out and thus their weaknesses are thwarted by each other. This is why people say, "Opposites attract" but does it HAVE TO be this way? Can a marriage work if the two of you are similar?
When I look at dating couples, it seems you do not have this "opposites attract" thing. Instead, they normally are quite similar. They think the same way, this is why they can understand each other better than most outside individuals. My two closest friends understand the way I think because they too are very logical. Because of this, they can handle me in all my forms. They know why I'm doing what I'm doing and, more importantly, how to handle me and how to get through to me much more effectively than my close intuitive friends. This got me thinking about this. Although none of them I am emotionally involved with, I entertain how I would react with someone like them. It seems that by my parents example, the intuitive ones are the ones fit to marry. Yet, shouldn't your wife be able to handle you? Shouldn't your wife know how to get through to you? By the way, feel free to reverse the genders, the rule still applies. They say that you should never marry/date someone that is exactly like you because although your strengths are magnified, the weaknesses are too. There's no balance. Does that con outweigh the fact that your with someone that is incapable of understanding how you think?
My logical friends know exactly how to get through to me, how to debate me, how to counter my defense mechanisms. Maybe I haven't found someone to match the wife credential. Maybe it's someone that's intuitive but knows how to handle me even though they don't understand why it works. That last sentence makes no sense to me but I'm leaving it to help spark the thought in your head.
As far as why there's different characteristics in your wife than your girlfriend, the only reason I can think of is that your wife is much more vested in it. Sure, a girlfriend can be happy that you want to live within your means, but when you're married, you have to think of their needs too. Your decisions affect your wife much more than your girlfriend, so that's why you may need someone to balance your decisions to make sure you don't go too far down the wrong path. You're opposite, however, doesn't know how you think and therefore may not know how to get through to you to stop you. So, again, does the pro outweigh the con?
My conclusion is you should date people like you but as soon as you're ready for marriage, start looking for people who fit the criterea outlined in my book but think the exact opposite way you do. Again, we come back to my biggest problem with relationships...they're just so illogical.
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