Fanis the Bodyguard Episode 13 No Collusion No Obstruction

                It is a lovely day in the United Kingdom.  Although Kera travels a lot for her work as an international Chinese art dealer, today she has no obligations.  This also means that her cousin and bodyguard Fanis has no obligations either.  This is good because both are into politics.  Kera leans left while Fanis is on the far right.  Today is a day that Kera and Democrats like her have been waiting for.  Mueller is going to testify on Capitol Hill for six hours.  They will finally get details of his widely commented on report.  Since few people want to read 440 some odd pages of legalese, the Democrats hope to give the American people the movie version.  Fanis sits down next to his cousin ready for debate.

                A Republican asks Mueller, “Was there sufficient evidence to link Russian collusion with President Trump?”

                Mueller responds, “No”

                Fanis turns to Kera and declares, “I think we’re done here.  That really is the bottom line question.”

                Kera gives him a dirty look and says, “Oh no, we got a long way to go.  We are staying for the whole thing”

                For the next three hours, Mueller avoids asking many questions and seems confused and out of place.  Kera is mad because Fanis hasn’t been able to take the smug look off his face as if to say ‘this is the guy you trust to bring down Trump?’  Kera is much better at giving looks than Fanis so she glares right back knowing that there’s not much to back up her position.  Finally Kera catches a break when Ted Lieu asks “Did you not indict the president because of the OLC guideline?”

                “Yes”

                Kera raises her hands and says, “Victory for me.”

                Fanis rolls his eyes.  “That’s the second time he flip flopped on that.  First he said that’s why he didn’t charge the president with obstruction, then Bill Barr asked him three times if that was the case and he denied it three times.  Now, he’s back to saying that’s why he didn’t indict.”

                “Well, you need to go by the last answer” Kera retorted. 

                After they broke for lunch, the first thing Mueller said in the afternoon session was how he wanted to clarify his earlier statement to Lieu.  He said that he didn’t indict the President for obstruction because of the OLC guideline.  That wasn’t the case.  The special counsel’s determination was that they couldn’t make a determination on obstruction.”

                Fanis smiled and looked arrogantly over at Kera and pronounced, “You’re right, we got to go by the last answer.  I also think witnesses that flip flop three times are very credible.” Saying the last part with sarcasm in his voice.

                Kera sighed.  Muller is asked if collusion is synonymous with conspiracy.  Mueller responds ‘no’ but then the questioner points to page 180 of the report, which says that they are synonymous.  Mueller says, “I defer to the report then.”

                Kera exclaims, “Did he even write the report!!! How do you not know what’s in your damn report?”

                “That’s why he wrote it down so he wouldn’t have to remember” chided Fanis sardonically

                “This is pitiful”

                “I agree, and you know what, I’m beginning to think he didn’t write the report.  That’s why he brought Aaron Zebley with him.  I think Zebley and Weissman wrote the report.”

                Kera groans, “We need to stop watching this.  What was the OLC guideline again anyway?”

                “No no no, this is what you wanted.  Now you got to lie in it.  We are watching every second of this fiasco.  The OLC guideline is you can’t indict a sitting president.”

                “If that were true then what the hell was the special counsel doing for two years?”

                “Exactly”

                Texas Representative Radcliffe starts questioning Mueller about his statement that he is not exonerating the president.  He asks him to name another time when someone was concluded to be not exonerated given that that isn’t a DOJ or legal standard.  In this country, you are either guilty or not guilty, you are never ‘not exonerated.’  He agreed with Chairman Nadler that the President isn’t above the law but he damn sure isn’t below it like volume two, which is the part about obstruction, is implying.  Mueller merely responds that it’s a unique situation.

                Fanis blurts out, “No it’s not.  You are innocent until proven guilty.  There’s nothing unique about this that defies that legal standard!  Like Nadler said, nobody is above the law.  This isn’t unique then.”

                Doug Collins pins Mueller down with, “At any time during your investigation, was your investigation curtailed or stopped or hindered?”

                Mueller replies, “No.”

                “Well there’s goes volume two.” Fanis rejoins

                As Mueller bumbles on a little more, Kera turns to him and inquires, “Is this like a scorched Earth campaign.  You’re not enjoying this either but since it bothers me more, you’re going to keep watching?”

                “Yes”

                Kera merely nods.  Steve Chobot poses, “The firm you said produced the oppositional research on Steel’s information was Fusion GPS?”

                Mueller answers, “That’s beyond my purview”

                Kera gapes at the screen as Fanis’ eyes narrow.  He opines, “No, that is your purview.  Investigating whether or not the allegations in the dossier drafted by Fusion GPS are valid.  That’s kind of what volume one was all about.  You mean to say you don’t know who Fusion GPS is?  How do I know more about this case than you do?”

                By the end of hearing, the Republicans just stop asking questions.  The highest ranking Republican member and the biggest opponent in government against the Mueller report and the Russian collusion hoax, Devin Nunes’ closing statement is simply, “Mr. Mueller thank you for your service in Vietnam, I yield my time to the chair.”

                Fanis throws his hands in exasperation, “After a riveting opening statement accusing the Democrats as really the ones who colluded with Russia, you close like that?”

                Kera looks at Fanis incredulously and snaps back, “Were you watching?!  This was such an epic failure, there’s nothing more for the Republicans to say.  It went so well for them.”

                Fanis laughs hard and concedes the point.  Immediately, mainstream media tries to spin it saying that Mueller was handcuffed not to say anything beyond the report.  Fanis pulls out his phone and brings up Fox News.  There is an earlier video with Bill Barr asking about Mueller’s testimony.  Barr states, “Mr. Mueller sent in inquiry to the DOJ this morning asking if he could only talk about what’s in the report.  We told him that would be okay with us.”

                Kera looked up and scoffed.  “Whatever, Mueller doesn’t know what’s in his own report.  Apparently he has amnesia or something.  The Democrats made a good point.  Trump obstructed the investigation.”

                “How?”

                “Firing Comey”

                “There was a two year investigation with 500 subpoenas and countless hours of interrogating witnesses.  President Trump didn’t deny access to anyone though it was his right to do so.”
                “He didn’t allow himself to be interviewed.  He merely wrote his responses and Mueller said that he didn’t find them adequate.”

                “Yes, because the last six hours has shown how credible Mueller’s opinion is.  How about this?  On 5/3/19, Comey testified that interference into the investigation has not happened. Then on May 11, Comey is already fired, so McCabe gets pissed and opens an investigation but then he admits in his book The Threat, ‘No effort to interfere in the investigation.’”

                “He’s not a child.  He didn’t investigate because Trump fired his friend.”

                “Actually McCabe admitted that’s why he ordered the FBI to investigate.  It didn’t help him when Comey said in his farewell address that Trump had the right to fire him for any reason or no reason at all.”

                “I’ll give you that there was no collusion but obstruction is still open.”

                “How do you obstruct an investigation of a crime that wasn’t committed?”

                Kera’s eyes dart upwards as she contemplates this.  She concedes, “I don’t know”

                “Comey told the President he wasn’t under investigation so how do you obstruct an investigation you don’t know is going on?”

                “He’s the president.  He has access to information.  He knew Comey was lying to him.”

                “That would be problematic and criminal if Trump was Democrat.  How about when Trump told him that it would be good to know if any of his satellite officers were influenced by Russia and that he should investigate that because he would like to know?”

                “Well Mueller said….you know what fuck it, I can’t defend that bumbling idiot anymore.  There was no obstruction either.”

                Fanis raises his arms and screams, “Victory”

                Kera gets up and goes into her room slamming the door.  The day is over and if Fanis is being truthful he isn’t as happy as he leads on.  There is no pleasure in watching a man suffer and be humiliated for six hours even if it does make his ideological opponents look foolish.