Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Fanis the Bodyguard Episode 46 Business Must Go On


                There is a collective sadness in England as Prime Minister Boris Johnson is going on a ventilator to treat his Wuhan Virus.  Even though Johnson is not the first government official to get it as members of the royal family have, given that he conducts the policy of the country and the royal family is a mere figurehead, there is uneasiness in England.  Kera and her cousin Fanis are Americans living in London and can feel the tension.  Kera is an international Chinese art dealer and business had been slow amidst this pandemic.  Despite that, the Chinese government was still doing a good job of convincing the world that they should not be shunned.  Therefore, people still wanted to deal in Chinese artifacts but travelling became increasingly burdensome.  Kera had a private plane but airports on the ground had strict protocols when she arrived to make sure she wasn’t contaminated.  As Fanis was her bodyguard, he tagged along and was exposed to the same treatment.   As it turned out, Kera was more concerned about the pandemic than Fanis but Kera was accustomed to working seven days a week and she wasn’t going to put that on hold for anything. 

                Kera calls out, “Hey Fanis?”

                “Yea”

                “You know that drug that Trump keeps pushing for Covid?”

                “Hydroxychloroquine or plaqunill, yea, what about it?”

                “Well, it appears that he has stock in it.”

                “I guess you didn’t read the article; you just read the headline.”

                “Is it fake news?”

                “Yea, kind of.  The stock he owns is part of a mutual fund and amounts to approximately $99.”

                “That’s it?!”

                “Yea, and the company that produces it doesn’t even produce it for the United States so if it becomes popular in the US, it still wouldn’t really help that particular stock.”

                “Even if it did, he’s a billionaire so even like a 500% profit wouldn’t really help him.”

                “Yea, that’s not even $500; you might as well say 50,000%.”

                “Yea, even that’s only $49,500”

                “I don’t understand you people.  You have no problem with Hunter Biden receiving $1.5 Billion from a Chinese company but President Trump can’t own a stock worth $99 in something he’s promoting because it may cure a pandemic.”

                “China does a lot of business with the United States.  Lobbyists are paid to influence the government so why can’t China do that same thing?”

                “They can but Hunter Biden has to fill out a FARA form but he didn’t”

                “That’s on Hunter Biden”

                “I would agree.  What are we even arguing here?  I’m not blaming China for giving Hunter Biden the money.  I’m just saying that there is a hypocrisy that people have a problem with President Trump making $99 off a stock and nobody bats an eye for Hunter Biden making $1.5 Billion.”

                “Well, pack your things.  We need to go.”

                “Oh good, I get to be scrubbed by strangers again.  Where are we going?”

                “India.”

                “Alright”

                “Look, I know what you’re thinking.  India is not a very healthy country to begin with.  Every time you’ve gone, you’ve gotten sick but as it related to Covid, it’s not that bad.  There are only 178 people that died.”

                “I said nothing.”

                “I know what you’re thinking”

                “No, you don’t because I wasn’t thinking that.”

                “Look at all the doctors here and the United States that came from India.  It’s safe”

                “Well, you’re 178 number may seem low but they have 5,916 cases.  That’s a death per case of 3%.  That is better than the 11.69% we have here in England but America’s average is 3,23% so closer to that.”

                “There, so I’m not putting us in danger. It’s more dangerous staying here.”

                “Something tells me you’re scared”

                “Of course I am!  It’s the second most populated country in the world.”

                “I know that but the most populated country, where it originated, has opened everything up so we could be good.”

                Kera glared at him as she knew he meant China, which Kera was very protective over.  “Let’s just go.”

                They go to their air strip and get put through a decontamination protocol before getting on the plane.  On the plane, Kera asks Fanis, “What do you think this is going to do to us.”

                “I think people are being stupid.  There’s a lot of pressure on cops to arrest people for stupid things.  In California, people are being arrested for paddleboarding with nobody around because they’re outside.  People are being encouraged to rat out their neighbors.  We are fracturing the bonds we have in our society.  I used to not care when I walked by a cop but now I’m worried about being arrested just for being outside.  There’s no good that can come from that.”

                “Conservative till the end huh?”

                “Of course.”

                “Well, the people I talk to back in the states love the extra money they’re getting from the stimulus package.”

                “That’s the point.  That is why it’s not going to stimulate anything.  Big government is always bad, even in a pandemic.”

                “People are beginning to realize why they need big government.”

                “That’s usually what happens right before a totalitarian communist government takes over and destroys a country and their people.”

                “Ayanna Pressley made an appearance.  The next bill she wants to forgive student loans and give money to illegal immigrants and inmates.”

                “That’s what happens when you give an inch to the libelous, scandalous, treacherous Democrats like they did in Phase 3”

                “People are hurting; you don’t think we have an obligation to help them?”

                “We live in a world of ills and harms.  There are trade-offs in everything we do.  It’s not about helping people, it’s about being realistic.  It’s not realistic for the United States to save everyone in the planet that decided to illegally come to our country.  If you really want to help people, you’d open the economy and let people work.  For those that are scared, they can stay home but there needs to be incentives to work, which means we shouldn’t bribe people to stay home.”

                “It’s not bribing people.  They can’t work because our government shut them down.  They need to compensate them for that.”

                “Or eliminate the problem they caused to begin with.  There is no money fairy.  Employers care more about their employees than the government does.  Let them decide if they’ll let people work from home.”

                “America first right?”

                “You can’t help people if you don’t help yourself.”

                “Let’s get back to bribing people not to work.  Is that really how you see it?”

                “That’s what Phase 3 was.  Part of it was an incentive to make your full paycheck to stay at home.”

                “You followed this closer than I did.”

                “You get a thousand dollars a week to not work.  If you make less than that, why would you go back to work?  You get paid more to stay home.”

                “I just think leaving people out to dry is wrong.”

                “That’s because you don’t understand our options.  You think our options are to screw people and let them die or give them money that has absolutely no consequences.  The reality is that our choices are to bankrupt the entire country now so we have no hope of recovery or spend a lot of money but still have restrictions so there is still an incentive to go back to work when the economy does open up.  Neither is very good as we don’t have the money to be spending even for option two but it sure as hell is better than option one.”

                “This sounds like a welfare argument.”

                “It’s the same concept.  The government is competing with employers for employees.  All the government did was raise the salary making it harder for employers to compete.”

                “These are unprecedented times.  Look, people like getting a thousand dollars in the mail for nothing.”

                “It’s not for nothing.  We will be fitting the bill either through inflation or taxation.  Are your friends going to have that feeling when the price of everything they need shoots up?  What about when their taxes increase.  Do you think maybe then they’ll be like, ‘you know, I didn’t really need the deck I used my stimulus money for?’”

                “Inmates aren’t illegal immigrants.  Are we just going to let them get hosed?”

                “We need to fix the incentive to not work problem before we can help inmates.”

                “I think what you fail to understand is that these relief payments are temporary.”

                “Phase three expanded them to Mid-June.  That’s way too long to be paying out this money.  It should end April 30; which is when they should open the economy; if not before.”

                They land in Bangalore, a city in Southern India.  They get into an auto, which is a three wheeled vehicle used as a taxi, and head toward their hotel.  The auto driver inquires, “Americans?”

                “Yup” Fanis says proudly.

                Although Fanis is accustomed to Indian driving, Kera is still getting used to it. The best way to describe it is ‘chaos.’  Whereas many places, like Europe, will have no trepidation to pull into oncoming traffic to pass a slow car, in India, it’s impossible to tell what side of the street you’re supposed to be on as you spend an equal amount on the left and right side.  There are no traffic lights in Bangalore as people simply beep to alert cars that they are coming into the intersection, then beep to let people know they are currently in the intersection and then beep once again to notify them that they’re safely through the intersection.  As the sound is the same for each of the three possibilities, what you get is just a continuous and constant beeping of all motorists.  When you do come to an intersection, there is massive slamming of the brakes as each driver navigates their vehicle amongst all the other ones. 

Most people insult the driving of the Indians for this but Fanis had a different approach; he was shocked there aren’t more accidents.  Every time he got in an auto and saw how much room there was between the auto and the other vehicles, he marveled at how they knew the exact dimensions of their vehicle.  He quickly learned that when in an auto, keep your hands and legs inside at all times for if you don’t, it will be slammed into another car. 

As if to scare Kera more, the auto driver lifts one hand in the air and makes a fist, “Go Trump.”

Fanis laughs and Kera gives him a dirty look.  He responds, “Yes, your President Modi is very good friends with President Trump.  Modi had you guys help us out by making masks for us.”

“Yes, and he is rewarding us because he said in his press conference that we built the economy back once and we’ll do it again.”

“He should be saying that every day.  It really should be his only message.”

“That would be good for India.  You need to understand when the American market goes down one point; it affects India market by 10 points.”

“I would agree the whole world benefits if we help ourselves.  After all, America consumes 51% of the world goods.”

                “Good luck”

                “Thank you.  It looks like we’ll need it since the Democrats keep trying to destroy our economy, which will destroy the world.”

                The pleasantries ended when they got to their destination.  The auto driver had raised the price they agreed upon before.  You don’t tip auto drivers in India and even though it was a nominal amount, word spread fast so you needed to fight for every penny and Kera and Fanis did and paid him what they agreed on. 

                In normal circumstances, it was hard for Fanis to find something to eat in India as he didn’t do well with spicy food and pretty much everything is spicy in India.  Now, with the pandemic, access to food was diminished so restaurants didn’t have most things on the menu.  As uncultured as it was, he opted to go to Hard Rock Café where he could get mild chicken wings that were about half the size of normal chicken wings.  Kera, who also doesn’t do well with spicy food, got spaghetti and posed, “Okay, so you’re against the shutting down of the economy.  You’re all about choice in letting people choose to take the risk to work rather than force everyone to be in this together.  I see your point but you are pressured to open shop even if you’re scared if your competitor does.”

                “Well, if you’re correct about the pandemic being as bad as it is, then your competitor will die and you can get his market share.”

                “You really are heartless.  Let me just finish my thought.”

                “Okay”

                “I know you don’t want to shut down the economy but let’s say people did.  Businesses are crushed because they had trouble finding employees and now you’re tasked to rescue them.  How do you do it?”

                “Did we already pass Phase 3?”

                “Let’s say yes.”

                “Well, we need to cut spending then.  First, we need to cut taxes across the board.  Make it a uniform tax rate of 18% on capital gains, income and corporate so there’s no more juggling to avoid paying it.  Second, if you’re under 55, you no longer have to pay for social security because you’re not going to be getting any.  This will save us like 100 Trillion dollars in the future.  Last, dump ObamaCare and get government out of healthcare.  People can deduct tax-free amounts into their own accounts and take care of their health needs.  I can see letting people go to the emergency room and getting them off the streets but even that I think can be covered by making pro-bono care a tax write off for hospitals and doctors.  Then, we can really get our debt under control.”

                “That’s a good way to lose an election.”

                “If you win though, you attack the two biggest expenditures for government; medical care and social security.”

                “I noticed that you didn’t touch the third highest; military.”

                “That’s fine right where it is.”

                “Of course it is.”

                “Health and Human Services alone is a third of all our spending.  Why wouldn’t you hit that?”

                “Thank God you’re not in charge.  If the media thinks it’s bad that Trump mocks them when they ask about oil even though they don’t know where it’s at now then they haven’t seen anything when you come along.”

                “Seriously though, if you don’t know where oil is at, how can you attack President Trump for it?’

                “He could have answered.”

                “No, it’s not his job to do their work for them.”

                They finish dinner and head back to their hotel to sleep.  The next day, they head to the meeting.  Fanis is inside with Kera and the client’s security is there as well.  Fanis has been accustomed to having a conversation in hushed tones so as not to disturb the meeting.  He has found that other security guards contain the same skill.  The guard comes over and queried, “What happened with the voting in Wisconsin?”

                Fanis’s head bobbed back in surprise.  He knew that the world was heavily involved in American politics but he found it incredible that someone in India would be asking about a state’s election.  To buy him time to get over his initial surprise, he responded, “I didn’t know India was so interested in Wisconsin.”

                “I don’t know where it would be on the map but I heard they were forcing people to go to the polls even with the Wuhan Virus.”

                “That’s a lie.  The Supreme Court said that the mail in ballots had to be postmarked by April 7 in order to be counted.”

                “What was going on with in-person voting then?”

                “That had nothing to do with either the Wisconsin Supreme Court or the US Supreme Court.”

                “There’s more than one?”

                “Yes, each state has one.”

                “Is it true that Republicans are the ones that messed up?”

                “No, Wisconsin is a Democrat state.”

                “But I heard….”

                “It was a lie.  Democrats were the ones that filed the lawsuit because they wanted to force a delay in the election.  There’s a law that you can’t change election rules the day before the election.”

                “That makes sense but why did they wait till the day before the election?”

                “Excellent question.  I don’t have an answer.”

                “Why did the Supreme Court get involved?”

                “One level below the Supreme Court is the Federal Court.  A federal judge that Obama appointed made a ruling that you could vote by mail up until April 13 when the election was April 7.”

                “Then you can just wait till the result of the election to see how or if you’re going to vote.”

                “In order to stop that, the judge ordered that Wisconsin election officials weren’t allowed to release the election results until after April 13.”

                “Don’t people rely on the results that night though?”

                “Hence, the Republican National Convention asked the Supreme Court to get involved.  Someone had to stop this dumbass from the retarded ruling he made.”

                “What did the US Supreme Court say?”

                “That the judge had no authority to silence the Wisconsin Election Committee.  They scolded him for involving people in the case that had nothing to do with the suit.”

“Whose decision is it to postpone the election?”

“The governor; whose name is Evers”

“What did he say?”

“Up until the day before the election, he declared them an essential business so they had to stay open.”

“Was he a Republican?”

“No, he’s a Democrat.”

“Let me get this straight; you have a Democrat lawsuit responding to a ruling made by a Democrat Governor that was decided upon by a Democrat judge.”

“That’s correct”

“Then why did the media say it was the Republicans?”

“Because they’re liars.”

“Oh wait, the Republicans asked the main Supreme Court to get involved.”

“And the US Supreme Court has a majority of Republican appointed judges but the problem was started by Democrats.”

“That’s what it sounds like to me.”

“Yea, Democrat governors are dropping the ball.  The Michigan one and Nevada ones are pretty bad too.”

“Why?”

“President Trump found an effective treatment for the Wuhan Virus called Hydroxychloroquine; so they banned it so that Trump couldn’t get a win.”

“That can’t be the reason they said.”

“Well, I don’t know what the reason the Michigan governor gave but the Nevada one, Sisolak, he was worried that private citizens would hoard it and keep it hidden in their house.   The funny part was, it turned out the Sisolak was hoarding it after he banned it.  He was guilty of what he was accusing his constituents of.”

“That sounds more like something you’d see in India.”

“I admit I don’t know anything about Indian politics but if you mean it’s corrupt and people will sacrifice their people to hurt their enemies, then yes, it’s like that.”

Kera finished up her meeting and Fanis says good bye to the security guard realizing that they never actually introduced themselves.  As they leave, Kera and Fanis go around looking for something to eat and end up at a McDonalds.  The interesting part of the McDonalds in India is that they don’t serve beef and have some interesting things on the menu like seaweed burgers. 

As they leave, they are approached by a man who points at them “Let me ask you American something.  Your Dr. Birx thinks that if anyone dies with the Wuhan Virus that it counts.  Don’t you think that inflates the numbers?”

                Kera gives him a strange look so Fanis answers, “Yes, it’s becoming more and more apparent that the Wuhan Virus has trouble killing healthy people.  My best friend died of cancer and that is what I tell people but technically he died of a cold.  The cancer destroyed his immune system, which allowed the cold to finish him off.  It would be ridiculous if I told people he died of a cold.”

                “That’s what I mean.  All of a sudden nobody is dying in America from diabetes, stroke, cancer or heart disease.”

                “Yea, all those numbers are way down.”

                America is the only country doing this too.  Other countries are reporting it responsibly.”

                “That’s probably why everyone says that America has it the worst.”

                “Let me ask you something else and let the woman answer.  Given everything that’s been happening around the world, what gives you the right to sell Chinese stuff here?”

                Kera snaps back, “Not everything that is linked to China is contaminated you dumb fuck!”

                Now it was Fanis’ turn to give her a dirty look.  The Indian guy shoved her and barked, “Get out of our country.”

                Kera fell back on the ground and giggled as she looked at her cousin and bodyguard.  Fanis took a deep breath and turned to the man, “That was a mistake.”

                The man took a swing at Fanis who ducked under it.  He unleashed two punches to the Indian’s kidneys and shoved him forward.  The Indian turned back and charged at Fanis, who ducked and, as he approached, lifted his upper body up catapulting the man over his head and flipping him on his back.  The man stayed down and Kera grabbed his arm and joyfully skipped off while Fanis quickened his walk to keep pace with her. 

Kera suddenly let go as the Indian had gotten up and raced after them.  He jumped and tackled Fanis from behind.  The Indian punched at the side of Fanis’ face.  Fanis pushed himself up on all fours and grabbed the man’s right arm and dropped his shoulder flipping the man off him and onto the ground.  Both men got up and faced each other.  They circled around each other and Fanis waited until the Indian made the first move.  When he came forward, Fanis reached out and grabbed him by the throat with his right hand.  He had one thumb in one carotoid artery and the other four fingers on the other squeezing.  The Indian tried to pull Fanis’ hand off him but he jerked him around.  As the energy was draining from him, Fanis dragged the Indian to a tree and smashed his head against it.  Kera followed and exclaimed, “I want a turn”

                Fanis let go of the man’s throat and grabbed his arm and twisted him around.  Fanis wrapped his arms over the man’s biceps and interlocked his hands behind his back exposing his front to Kera.  Kera smiled and slapped him across the face as hard as she could and Fanis tossed him to the side.  Kera looked up and pointed near the tree, “Look a monkey.”

                Fanis saw it too and nodded.  It was quite common to see monkeys in India but both had forgotten that.  They got dinner at a local place and then went back to the hotel to sleep.  The next day, they headed to the air strip and headed back to London.  On the plane, Fanis had intense stomach pains and kicked himself for eating at the local place.  Kera was fine and felt bad for Fanis.  She asked, “Are you okay?”

                “No, but let’s talk about something to distract me.”

                “Well, it looks like Christopher Steele may be in trouble after all.”

                “No, Hillary Clinton will protect him.  She still owns the DOJ.”

                “This isn’t the DOJ; three of the Russians he named in the Golden Shower story in the dossier are suing him.  Part of the lawsuit is he has to publicly admit that his dossier is a lie and a hoax.”

                “That is huge but you know how these intelligence guys are; they’ll just cite sources and methods and there won’t be a case.”

                “Actually, he tried that and the judge, a Justice Warby, said that he may force him to answer the question and he can’t hide behind them.  I mean, he’s Ex-MI6 and this is from three years ago so it probably isn’t as sensitive as he pretends it is.”

                “That would be amazing if the Russians end up taking down Steele.”

                “It will give fuel to the liberals that Russia and America are colluding.”

                “Yea, but they can’t say anything because they did that for almost three years.  The people don’t care anymore.”

                “Let’s just get through the Covid crisis and then we’ll see what happens.”

                “I agree.  I really hope the economy opens sooner rather than later.”

                “I’m beginning to come around to your side but England is still bad.”

                “That’s only because of socialized medicine.  There were long wait times even before the crisis.”

                “No, I know but nobody really needs this right now.”

                “Nobody ever needs a pandemic but it’s here and we need to respond appropriately.  This overreaction needs to stop.”

                “I hope you’re right about the pandemic but wrong about the economic backlash afterwards.”

                “Me too.”

                They land in London and Kera hires a cleaning crew to thoroughly clean the plane while Fanis and Kera go through a decontamination protocol.  Fanis wasn’t sure how long this was going to be their normal but it was one of the few things he didn’t like enduring working for Kera.  Within a day, Fanis was over his stomach pains and back to normal. 

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