Nouno the Vigilante Episode 22 Salsa in the Sanctuary City

A Mexican national has snuck into California.  Like millions of other illegal immigrants, he pick California as they are very accommodating to undocumented workers and have a few sanctuary cities that refuse to work with ICE to deport anyone.  It’s like having a country that doesn’t have extradition except this extraditing isn’t to spite another country that they may not get along with.  This is done to spite the very country the area refusing to extradite is located in.  America may be the only country where cities can openly violate the laws of the country so blatantly.

The Mexican national will be called David for simplicity purposes although that is not his real name.  As many illegal immigrants don’t come with much money, especially since the cartels charge them so much to come to America, David is unsure how he’s going to afford living in Los Angeles.  He is 26-years-old so he is of prime age to start work and a career.    Rather than get a job, however, David decides he’s going to go to Beverly Hills.  As he sees the large houses and how the wealthy inhabitants live, he becomes jealous.  After all, the government officials have constantly told him that rich people are bad and that the only reason he doesn’t have what they have is because of white man privilege and he has been victimized by the evil capitalist system.  In order to rectify this, he gets the idea that he is well in his rights to rob the rich people’s homes in Beverly Hills.  After all, America has a hero that does exactly that; Robin Hood.  Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor.  David’s poor so he’s merely stealing from the rich to give to him.  It’s because he believes he is entitled to other people’s wealth, just like the socialists have told him, that he doesn’t bother to be clandestine.  Due to this, it wasn’t hard for the police to arrest him for burglary and criminal conspiracy. 

                As he is processed in the system, ICE catches wind that an uninvited guest has opted to not follow the rules.  ICE issues a warrant and requests that David be turned over to them so they can send him back to Mexico.  Los Angeles officials, being true to their sanctuary city status, refuse to cooperate with ICE and hide David.  They let him back on the street so that ICE has a harder time finding him.  Two months after this incident, on 4/4/18, David attacks a man beating him nearly to death.  For this, he will be charged with attempt of murder.  Just like last time, they refuse to incarcerate him so that iCE won’t come knocking to try to deport him.

                Abby and Nouno are vigilantes living in Arizona.  The news is filled with Kavanaugh things as a woman named Deborah Ramirez has accused Kavanuagh of sexual assault.  Nouno rolls his eyes and exclaims, “We already went through this a year ago.  If she wasn’t credible then, then she’s not credible now.”

                “Maybe they found new information”

                “No, someone is writing a book”

                “Ramirez was discredited but this is about Max Stier”

                “This one’s even worse”

                “Why?”

                “They’re alleging that his friends pushed his penis into another girl.  I mean, first of all, logistically, how does that even happen?  I’ve never heard of a guy grabbing another guy’s penis and shoving it on a girl.  If they did, it wouldn’t be the guy’s whose penis was pushed who was the asshole it would be the people that pushed the penis”
                “Well, as much as I love talking about penises, let’s just say that the improbably story happened”

                “You don’t think it’s off that Stier is a Democrat lawyer that argued against Kavanaugh on a case in the past?”

                “Lawyers oppose each other all the time.  It’s never personal”

                “Never?”

                “It’s their job”

                “So, you think someone pushing another man’s penis into someone is possible but two lawyers arguing against each other in a case can’t ever be personal?”

                “Yes that’s what I’m saying” Abby replies defensively

                “Does it change anything for you that the person who had his penis pushed into her claims she has no recollection of the event?”

                “It was a long time ago”

                “People tend to remember when they were sexually assaulted”

                “Maybe she didn’t care”

                “Which brings me to my next point.  You can’t been an alleged victim when you’re not alleging you’re a victim”

                “Look, Kavanaugh was confirmed.  I doubt two thirds of a Republican Senate will impeach him so it’s pointless to talk about.”

                “No, it’s not.  It just shows how libelous and scandalous liberals are.  They really are unscrupulous, merciless, fascist, anarchist pigs.”

                “That is a lot of adjectives”

                “Kavanaugh should sue them.”

                “He won’t.  He’s a good Christian boy and turns the other cheek.”

                “That’s what the left exploits”

                “Yes, they do but if Kavanaugh won’t stand up for himself why should you?”

                “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

                “Well, speaking about our moral code.  We have a case.”

                “Where are we going?”

                “LA”

                “Ah California.  Seems we get a lot of cases out there.”

                “Yea, the whole sanctuary city thing.  Undocumented workers seem to take advantage of their security”

                “Yes, at the detriment of all the citizens that live there.  It’s awesome when invaders are above the law and you are not.”

                “They’re not above the law”

                “They purposely don’t incarcerate them so it’s harder for ICE to find them.”

                “They still get arrested.  It’s on their record”

                “They’re illegal, there is no record”

                “Oh come on”

                “What is it you think we do?  If they did their job and prosecuted illegal immigrants like they prosecute Americans, there would be no need for us.”

                “I guess that’s true.”

                Abby booked the flight and a week later, they were off to California.  On the plane, Abby asks Nouno, “Did you hear about Saudi Arabia?”

                “The drone that hit the largest oil refinery in the world?”

                “Yea”

                “No, never heard of it.” He voices with much sarcasm

                “Pretty scary shit”

                “Yea, apparently an Iran-linked organization in Yemen is claiming responsibility”

                “These drones really cause a problem”

                “Yea because you can’t assess false alarms as well.  For instance, if you have motion detectors, rabbits and squirrels can set it off.  If that happens, you have someone go investigate and they see the squirrel and no big deal.  With a flying object, you can’t easily fly to go look at it so it’s harder to dismiss it as a false alarm.  You need radar and other technologies.”

                “Which people do have, especially the government”

                “Yea, but what do you do?  You can’t just shoot them all out of the sky”

                “Well, they interrupt the communications between the operator and the drone”

                “But they can be pre-programmed.  Not all drones have an operator so the only way to deactivate it is to destroy it but then you may destroy the property of some kid who just wanted pictures of the White House or something.”

                “Well tough shit.  You shouldn’t have a non-operator drone go anywhere near a secure area.  If you do, you suffer the consequences”

                “I’m sure the people who get their innocent drones destroyed will understand” pronounced with much sarcasm

                “Their feelings don’t matter”

                “Yea, considering riots erupt for lesser reasons, I’m not quite so sure the public will like you’re response.”

                They land at LAX and check into an Air BNB.  The first thing they do is cover a bed in plastic to prepare for what they have in mind.  Nouno trusted Abby to pick the cases so didn’t even bother asking what they did.  Abby opens her computer and immediately starts hacking into David’s social media accounts to see where he’s going to be.  David kept a low online presence but it was still doable to determine a pattern.  They found out that David was going to a Salsa club.  Abby and Nouno went as well despite Nouno’s protestations that since they were pale white, they would stick out like sore thumbs.  To make it worse, Nouno was a horrible dancer.  He had a lot of Dominican friends that taught him how to dance Salsa but he had no rhythm so knowing the steps yet not knowing how to make them in step with the music was pointless.  Abby, on the other hand, was a great dancer but she knew that the man is supposed to lead.  Nouno wraps his right hand around Abby’s waist and rests it on her back.  He interlocks his left hand with her right and swings his hips alternating steps three times and stepping forward with his right leg.  Abby moves her left leg back to make room moving her hips with Nouno’s.  Nouno alternates three steps to each leg and then moves his leg back as Abby comes forward.  Abby is smiling because she notices Nouno counting to eight as Salsa dancing is made up of eight steps; Three to the side, one forward, three side and then back.  Abby knows what Nouno is going to do, which is the only reason that it’s working.  Nouno isn’t moving with the music and as he spins Abby, he loses the count and gets confused. 

They maneuver their way to David with his date.  Nouno tries a complicated move where he spins Abby and then spins himself as he releases her hip and interlocks both hands to spin better.  He trips and falls into David.  Although this was intentional, it’s unclear if Nouno would have been able to pull it off.  What nobody realized is that Nouno slipped a needle doused with a sedative that he just injected into David.  It won’t take effect for about an hour so Abby and Nouno dance a little longer but then stop as Abby gets frustrated how often Nouno loses the rhythm.

“They get a drink and recover watching David.  David also stops dancing and gets a drink.  As he’s walking back, his walking gets a little heavy.  Nouno goes over and asks him in Spanish, “Estas bien?”

“Si, pero no se que fue”

Nouno knows that the first part is a lie.  He’s not okay but he is telling the truth that he doesn’t know what happened.  Nouno puts his arm around him and tells him that they need to get some air.  The girl he was dancing with shows concern but then goes off and dances with another partner.  When Nouno leads him outside, he helps him into his car and David passes out shortly thereafter.  Nouno and Abby drive back to the Air Bnb and strap David down and wait for him to wake up.

As David wakes up, he is disoriented.  Nouno explains to him in Spanish, “I know you’re confused but we’re here because you don’t want to follow our laws.  Since the legal system won’t prosecute you because they’re protecting you from ICE, we need to permanently remove you from not just LA but any community on Earth.”

David picks up the drift and fires back, “Just take me back to Mexico”

“No, you’ll just come back”

“No, I won’t, I promise”

                “I don’t believe you.”

                “Look, I may have broken a couple laws but I’ve kept up with American news.  For instance, that Russia had a very successful spying campaign on US Soil.  People are really worried about it.”
                “Do you speak English?”

                David switches to English but heavily accented, “Yes, Yes I do.”

                “That leak was to justify Obama kicking the Russian diplomats out of the US shortly before he left office.”

                “Well, don’t you think that was a good call?”

                “No, if he was really worried about that, he wouldn’t have picked safe houses like 30-50 miles from D.C.  He would have done it to the Russians actually in DC.”

                “It was in retaliation for meddling in the 2016 election”

                “No, that’s just what they say”

                “So, what’s the real reason?”

                “This happened on 12/29/16 when Mike Flynn was in DR (Dominican Republic).  They wanted to record his conversation so they could set him up.  Six months later, they questioned him about it and had the transcript.  When he didn’t remember the conversation word for word, they charged him with lying to the FBI.  Even the agents that interviewed him said they didn’t think he was being deceptive but they charged him anyway”

                “Why did they want him in DR?”

                “So he wouldn’t have as much access to secure phones.  They wanted to listen in to the conversation to get the transcript”

                “Who was he talking to?”

                “Oh, sorry, the Russian ambassador Kislayek”

                “Why were they talking?”

                “Kislayek called him because he was upset that Obama was kicking out the Russians that lived 40 miles or so away.”

                “Oh, that’s why you mentioned Obama getting rid of the Russians.  But, the Russians had new ways to spy by hacking into computers not on the internet and decrypt communications.”

                “All that stuff was in 2010.  Why bring it up now?”

                “I don’t know”

                “They brought it up so they could say the expunged Russians in 2010 had a New York Cell that was tied to Carter Page”

                “Should I know him?”

                “He was the start of the Russian collusion probe.  They had a FISA warrant against him so they could spy on him in the most intrusive way American law will allow.  He was on the Trump campaign”

                “Who cares that it was nine years ago?  If Page was bad and working with Russians, he shouldn’t be on a president’s campaign”

                “They leave out the fact that Carter Page was an informant for the FBI at the time.  He was working on the case.  He infiltrated the Russians and helped to expunge them.”

                “So, why do you think they’re doing this?”

                “They want to distract you because a judge just ordered a release of the transcript of Mike Flynn talking with the Russian Ambassador.”

                “So, we can read it?”

                “I will be able to soon but not you.”

                “Why?  You don’t think I can read English?”’

                “Oh no, I don’t think you can read when you’re dead.”

                “You can’t do this.  Look I’m sorry for almost killing that guy.  I don’t know what got into me.  I was just so mad, it’s not an excuse.  Please, you don’t want to do this.  You can’t”

                Nouno raised his knife and with David restrained, he had no problem driving it through the main artery in his chest killing him instantly.  He uttered, “I just did.”

                Nouno and Abby wrapped the body and loaded it into the car.  They took it to a crematorium they had discovered earlier.  They broke in and used the machine to cremate David.  They knew they had to return but didn’t want to be stay as they’d be exposed.  Abby opines, “I’m worried about our national debt.  It’s getting out of control.  We need to stop spending so much money on defense.”

                “That’s not the issue.”

                Abby took a mocked tone, “I know, we shouldn’t have so many government entitlement programs and safety net welfare programs.”

                “That stuff is only 9% of our budget”

                “That’s it?”

                “Yea, Social Security and Medicaid make up over 50% of our budget.  This is only going to get worse as more Baby Boomers retire.”

                “Are you saying we should not have Social Security?”

                “I think if you’re 55 and older then you get the social security because you were screwed and it’s a little too late to build your savings now that you know you can’t rely on social security.  54 and younger, on the other hand, they should just stop paying social security.  It’s over.”’

                “That’s not fair”

                “Life isn’t fair.  Social Security is 24% of our budget.  If we phase out something that makes up that much of the economy that would be significant going forward”

                “That would make Healthcare 26%”

                “Yes, government should get out of healthcare.  Have tax incentives that doctors can write off all pro bono work for the price they normally charge for it.  Again, eliminating 26% of our debt would be monumental for us.”

                “How much is defense?”

                “15”

                “That’s a lot”
                “Not really. “

                “Fine, so you’re getting rid of government involvement in healthcare.  What would you do with the social security beneficiaries?”

                “There’s really only four ways.  The first, you tax the shit out of people.  This is a problem because the workforce is decreasing so you can’t spread the cost burden on enough people.”

                “I thought you’d say that”

                “The next, is to have a VAT tax.”

                “What’s wrong with that?”

                “It drives the price up on everything and higher price means less demand.”

                “Alright, that doesn’t sound too fun either”

                “Next you have the wealth tax.”

                “Well, we all know how you hate taxes”

                “Think about it.  Who has more wealth?”

                “I don’t know, the 1%”

                “No, old people.  They’ve spent a lot of time in the workforce and had more time to accumulate savings and other assets.”

                “Yea, I didn’t realize that”

                “So, you’re charging the very people you’re trying to help relatively more than everyone else.”

                “Yea, that doesn’t seem fair either”

                “So, the only other option is social security entitlement program being reformed like the way I described”

                Time was up and Abby and Nouno went back in to dispose of the bones in the proper way as they don’t burn.  After they did that, they head back and Abby states, “Let’s grab some food”

                “Nouno drives to Sunset Boulevard and stops at a restaurant.  They sit down and order their food.  Abby inquires, “So, since we use knives all the time, I’m sure you aren’t a gun lover”

                Abby knows full well that Nouno is pro-2^nd amendment.  He’s not very proficient with one, which is why he doesn’t own one.  Nouno gives Abby a dirty look and responds, “You know, I should buy a gun”

                “Well, you’re going to have to soon before they pass gun control”

                “Seriously; they love trampling on the constitution”

                “Well, after all these mass shootings we have to do something.  I mean, Democrats want universal background checks.  That’s reasonable”

                “No, because it’s just a veiled attempt to get a gun registry.  When you have a gun registry, you know who to come after when they confiscate them.  Listen to the Democratic debates; they are serious about stealing guns from people.  Beto O’Rourke literally said ‘hell yea, we’re going to take you’re AR-15s”

                “You always act like it’s only liberals that harass conservatives”

                “That’s because it usually is.  Conservatives, by definition, tend to keep to themselves.”

                “Well what about that story where a transgender woman was fired for kicking out a conservative customer?”

                “You’re making my point.  The liberal kicked the conservative out” Nouno rejoined a little confused why she brought that up.”

                “Well, the conservative had to have done something”

                “Wrong! The conservative woman said nothing to her.  She was sitting at a table minding her own business when the transgender walked up to her and screams, “You should get the fuck out and never come back.”
                “Unprovoked?”
                “Yes, unprovoked.  The transgender recognized the conservative girl from a political event”

                “Alright, bad example”

                “No, good example for me.”

                A couple days later, Abby and Nouno are on a plane back to Arizona.  Abby declares, “How come we don’t move to California?  It’s so beautiful there and we’re near the beach”

                “California has the highest rents in the country”

                “Yea, but they’re getting rent controlled”

                “It’s hard to get into those buildings”

                “Why is rent so high when there’s so much land?”

                “There’s a shitload of huge bureaucratic red tape when you try to build a home.  Since property owners have to pay people to go through all the zoning rules and paperwork, it drives the price up because the place costs more to build”

                “And all the cities buy in”

                “No, the Republican mayor of San Diego stopped the regulations to encourage people to build more houses.  This lowered the price down because of the increased supply”

                “So, that’s good”

                “In retaliation, California had state wide rent controlled apartment.  Now, you can only go up 5% a year.”

                “Again, this seems good”

                “No, because you can’t make money in California real estate because you can’t raise rents.  Despite the state’s increases in subsidies, building permits have fallen”

                “Why?”

                “Rent controlled makes you sell below the market value.  If they didn’t, there would be no need for the rent control because you wanted to rent out for less anyway.  Now, demand is rising but you can’t charge what you want.  Supply decreases, demand increases and you can’t raise the price so people don’t get housing because it need to be rationed.  Nobody wants to sell at a loss.”

                “That makes sense”

                “Yea, it’s just a mess“

                They land back in Arizona and rest.  Nouno is nervous since they spoke with the girl that he was dancing with but nothing showed up on the news.  After a week, Nouno loses interest and gains assurance that they won’t be caught.  Another successful mission in the books and Abby and Nouno stayed ready for their next case to solve what the justice department refuses to.