Fanis and Kera were second
cousins. Kera was an international
Chinese artifact dealer while Fanis was her bodyguard. Although they were both Greek American, they
were living in London as that’s where Kera was based out of. Ideologically, they were at different ends of
the political spectrum with Fanis being far right and Kera being left. Despite being based in London, they travelled
frequently as Chinese artifacts were needed all over the world. This time they were going to Vienna
Fanis was excited as he had only
spent three days in Vienna and realized that you could spend a week in the
palace alone. Aside from one church,
that was where Fanis spent his three days.
While on the plane to Vienna, Fanis was reading an article and he
commented, “Hmmm, I always knew this was true but nobody had ever done a study
on it before.”
“What’s that?”
“Well let’s test it. What do you think of conservatives?”
“They’re gun loving, violent
xenophobic racists”
“Right, I think liberals are
moronic.”
“Well, I’m the one with the
Masters degree and you only have a Bachelor’s”
Fanis grinned and retorted,
“That’s exactly what I wanted you to say!
Look at the study, the higher the degree a liberal has the more they hate
conservatives. This is not true,
however, for conservatives as they are not as clueless about liberals as
liberals are about conservatives. In
fact, someone with an educational degree such as yours is three times more
likely to misrepresent a conservative position than a liberal that just
graduated high school”
“You just called liberals
moronic”
“Right, and according to the
study, I’m more right than you are. I
mean I used that word for effect. The
point is that you guy self-segregate and only hang out with other liberals so
you don’t know the other side because you suppress it”
“That I may agree with you on.”
“Conservatives get liberals,
liberals don’t conservatives”
They land in Vienna and get
settled in. The next day Kera goes to
her meeting and Fanis goes to the palace to see exhibits he missed the last
time he was there. He has an ear piece
in in case Kera gets in trouble but given that she’s meeting in a country that
is relatively friendly to women, he’s not as on guard. The signal is obvious, if Kera starts
speaking Greek, then Fanis will start coming because she’s in trouble.
After the exhibit he goes on the
street and gets a bratwurst. Pretty much
every Eastern European country has this as street food and all claim theirs is
the best. What they won’t tell you is
that it’s basically a hot dog. Fanis had
been all over Europe and had yet to taste one that was amazing but if you ask
an American who’s been to Eastern Europe, they’ll tell you how amazing the
Bratwursts are. Fanis likened it to the Emperor’s New Clothes; people felt they
were uncultured if they called it a hotdog.
A Viennese man came up to him and looked at his clothes and said
confidently, “Ah, American”
“Yes I am”
Fanis spoke five languages but
German wasn’t one of them. The man said,
“Have you heard that your congress has called Mueller to testify?”
When you’ve travelled as much as
Fanis has, you realize that no matter where you are in the world, the general
public is intimately knowledgeable in American politics. It didn’t surprise him anymore. Fanis replied, “Yup, in about a month.”
“You think this will hurt your
president?”
“I think it’s going to be just
like everything else the Democrats have done to try to hurt Trump. They will twist the words around to try to
make it seem like it’s damning but it won’t amount to anything.”
“These people who called him to
come, are they Democrat or Republican”
“Nadler and Schiff are
Democrats.”
“So, it is to hurt your
president”
“Yes but the other people they
called didn’t hurt the president like they hoped. One, they kept calling by the wrong
name. I’m not saying it’s going to
backfire. Mueller was head of the FBI, he knows how to dodge a question. The way I see it, either it’s going to solve
nothing or it’ll help us. I’m leaning
toward solving nothing.”
“Why do you say that and what do
you mean by ‘us’”
“I’m a conservative. Mueller gave a press conference about a month
ago. He refused to answer questions,
resigned and said he never wanted to be bothered about it again. He said his report speaks for itself and he’s
not talking about it anymore.”
“When we hear that in Europe, we
think someone has something to hide.”
“We think that in America too.”
“But Republicans are going to
ask him hard questions”
“And he’ll be under oath so he
can’t lie but he’ll just do what Comey did and just say he doesn’t remember.”
“What questions would you like
to know?”
“First, when did he know
President Trump didn’t collude with Russians?”
“When he finished his
investigation”
“No, that’s false. His chief investigator, a guy named Weissman,
was briefed that it was hoax in August 2016, and Mueller was appointed in May
2017.”
“Oh, I see, if he says what I
said, he would’ve lied under oath.”
“Right, but the Republicans
don’t have the guts to charge him for perjury so I don’t understand why he
would be worried about that.”
“Just in case, I guess.”
“Yea, I guess”
“What else would you ask?”
“When did he know the black
ledger was a fraud?”
“What’s that?”
“A ledger was written by the
Ukrainians that was handed over to the Democrats. Specifically a woman named Alexandra
Chalupa. It was about Trump’s former
campaign manager Paul Manafort. Manafort
was charged and forced to plea guilty for crimes unrelated to Trump and
collusion. We found out now that the
black ledger was a hoax and a fake document.”
“Do you know when Mueller did
know that?”
“Me personally, no, but I’m sure
congress does.”
“You seem very informed. You’d be surprised how many Americans I have
to tell them about their own politics”
“Unfortunately, I’m not
surprised by that. I wish I was though”
The Viennese man laughed. “Anything else?”
“When did he know Konstantin
Kilmnik was a state intelligence source for former president Obama? Why is Manafort being investigated for
collusion for meeting with him but he didn’t care when Obama or his state
department did.”
“A little two faced, is that the
right expression?”
“’Hypocritical’ would be better”
“Seems like you have a lot of
questions”
“I’m just getting warmed
up. How about why Veselnitskaya is such
a large part of his report but he forgets to mention that she worked for Fusion
GPS and was a translator for Hillary Clinton”
“Fusion GPS was that firm that
Hillary paid to get bad information on Donald Trump right?”
“Yes”
“Why do we care about the
Russian woman?”
“She’s the one that met with
Donald Trump’s son that everyone holds on to as being collusion because they
talked for five minutes.”
“The Democrats don’t know that
the government speaks with foreign people all the time?”
“They do, but when a Republican
does it, it’s treason. When a Democrat
does it, it’s business as usual.”
“This is hypocritical yes?”
“Yes it is” He declared with a
smile since he had used the word Fanis had taught him in the correct
context.
“I think Mueller should be happy
your not the one asking questions”
“Not really, he probably has a
way to wriggle out of any of these questions.
To follow up with the first one, I’d specifically ask that if he had FBI
lawyer Lisa Page’s text that she didn’t find anything and it could be literally
nothing. Then why was he still
investigating as that was in July 2017.”
“When did Mueller end the
investigation?”
“March 2019”
“I see your point”
Fanis finished his Bratwurst and
the man said good bye. Fanis walked to
the Mozart park and sat on a bench staring at the statue of Mozart. Not too long later, he heard Kera wrapping up
her meeting and he headed to where she was to meet her. Fanis barely listened in when she was
negotiating and tuned her out so he didn’t even know if it went well or
not. She asked as much and Kera offered,
“Actually very well, they are collecting artifacts for an exhibit so I had to
refer him to other dealers. It was
highly productive”
“Awesome”
“Yea, I made a lot of money”
“Always good, especially since I
didn’t have to kill anyone”
“The night is young and besides,
you haven’t had to do that too often.”
“What do you want to do?”
“Austria is one of the few
European countries that serves beer cold so let’s take advantage of that.”
“Beer is much better in Europe
than it is in America”
“Flavor wise I agree but imagine
how good it would be if they served it cold.”
Kera grimaced. She knew he was right but she hated giving
America credit for anything. They went
to an Italian café across from a giant statue of Zeus stepping on a mob of
people. He has his finger pointing at
one man on his back presumably scolding him.
They get beer and Kera asks, “So you still think YouTube is out to get
you conservatives.”
“There’s no question about that
anymore”
“How do you figure?”
“Look at this podcast. They did two shows attacking Google and
YouTube. The first one got 180 thousand
views. The one the next day only 80
thousand.”
“So people didn’t want to hear
the same thing two days in a row”
“Now look at the audio version
of the exact same show”
Kera looked and saw that the
second video had more views than the first.
“Well more people listen to podcasts in cars they don’t watch on
YouTube”
“These are on Monday and
Tuesday. You really think that fewer of
people worked on Monday than they did on Tuesday?”
“Dude, I don’t know, who
cares. You bitch too much”
“You brought it up.”
The next day Kera and Fanis flew
back to Heathrow. They took the Tube
toward London and Fanis heard Americans talking about the border crisis. Kera rolls her eyes and gives him a look
saying to let it go. Fanis ignores it
and says, “Let me guess, you jackasses like AOC?”
‘AOC’ is Alexandria Ocasio Cortez who won a seat in congress at 29 and was a socialist. She constantly tweets out very easily refuted tweets but that doesn’t stop her from making dumb comment after dumb comment. A guy in his early 20s says, “You’re saying that you like caging children?”
‘AOC’ is Alexandria Ocasio Cortez who won a seat in congress at 29 and was a socialist. She constantly tweets out very easily refuted tweets but that doesn’t stop her from making dumb comment after dumb comment. A guy in his early 20s says, “You’re saying that you like caging children?”
“I’m saying that if it wasn’t
for the Florez Consent Degree, we wouldn’t have to deal with this because
people wouldn’t kidnap kids so that they can just wait in detention for 21 days
and then get released into America by law”
“What do you mean?”
“In 1997, there was a decree
that you can’t detain kids for more than 20 days. An asylum case takes more than 20 days. That’s why Trump had Mexico detain them as
they await their trials so that when the decree is over, or it doesn’t apply
since it’s Mexico, they don’t automatically get released into the United
States.”
“What do you mean kidnap
children?”
“Those kids are coming to the
country with adults that aren’t their parents”
“How do you know that?” he asked
rather snottily
“Because they do a cheek swab
and test the DNA”
“Well, they shouldn’t separate
them”
“Why? They’re not their parents. Do you suggest that they should give the kid
back to the trafficker? I mean they’re
probably getting abused physically and sexually but you want to just give them
back to their tormenters and kidnappers?”
“Well…no…I mean….well….like…..I
don’t know. It just breaks my heart to
see the conditions at the border”
“Did it break your heart four
months ago when CNN was telling you that you’re stupid if you think there’s a
crisis at the border? Acosta standing at
one of the places with a wall and showing that nobody was storming it to get
through. I mean that just proved walls
work but that wasn’t his intent. Don
Lemon said that Trump manufactured it because he didn’t get eight billion for
the wall, he only got 1.8. Did you
gobble all that just like you gobble up that the conditions at the border are
Trump’s fault?”
“Both Lemon and Acosta are
horrified by the crisis at the border”
“Now! But four months ago they
denied it was happening. They’ve made no
apologies to lying to the American public, they simply lied. This is why nobody watches CNN anymore”
“Well, Cortez has been on the
right side.”
“No, she’s a hypocrite too”
“How?”
“One, she also said it wasn’t a
crisis but let’s just take this week.
She talks about concentration camps and how it’s horrible those kids
have to sleep on concrete floors right?”
“Yea, and it is.”
“Then when Wayfare sends beds to
the border detainment centers so those kids can sleep in a bed, AOC says that
they’re despicable and commends their employees who threatened to walk out if
they did that”
“Why would she do that?”
“According to her because no
company should help the border cage children.”
“But, that’s what she asked
for.”
“Yea, the real reason is she
would rather kids be tortured and suffer inhumane conditions then for Trump to
look good in something.”
“Why would Trump look good?”
“He approved the sale of the
beds.”
“Oh, well, I don’t think she
would do that.”
“Of course she would. It’s what liberals and socialists do. Why do you think that socialists are
responsible for the deaths of over a hundred million people? They hate human life and sacrifice it any
chance they get so they can have more power.”
“They’re not evil”
“Yes, they are. Look at that cocktail bartender that spit on
Eric Trump”
“Well, he’s a Trump”
“Thank you for proving my
point. You think it’s ethical to
disrespect and attack someone just because you disagree with them. It’s because you think Republicans and
conservatives are bad people.”
“And you think liberals are bad
people”
“No, I think socialists are bad
people. I think liberals are good people
with bad ideas. That’s why I can talk to
liberals”
“You’re not doing a very good
job here.”
“Yes I am, you’re just not
listening”
“Whatever man, we aren’t the
racists”
“Oh really? Then why did a black
liberal English professor say that he loves seeing poor white people beg
because he looks at it as retribution for blacks being discriminated against?”
“Well they were slaves and then
we had segregation and Jim Crow laws.”
“All gone now and all done by
Democrats. At the time of the Civil War
no Republican owned a slave. Also, Jim
Crow laws were all passed by Democrats.
The KKK was made up of almost all Democrats. Segregation was the Democrats then and still
is today”
“What do you mean?”
“Who wants segregated dorms and
graduations for black people in college now?
Liberals”
“That’s just so they can feel
more comfortable so that racist white people don’t harass them.”
“Yea, and slave owners said they
did it for the slaves so they wouldn’t have to worry about paying for a
mortgage and trying to make ends meet to put food on that table. Segregation claimed separate and equal so they
could be with their people too and raise their self-esteem since Whites prefer
Whites and blacks prefer blacks. Sounds
awfully similar to what you’re saying about all black dorms and graduations”
“They choose to segregate
themselves”
“What if White people chose to
have all white dorms”
“That’s racist”
“Do you listen to yourself? How do you not see the hypocrisy?”
“The conservatives are the real
racists period.”
“Yet you have no facts to back
that up.”
“You would be pissed if a black
man was dating a white woman”
“Do you know who Candace Owens
is?”
“Yea, she’s a White Supremacist”
“You know she’s black right?”
‘Yea, she’s an Uncle Tom. Blacks can be White Supremacists”
“Again, I wonder if you listen
to yourself. She’s marrying an
Englishman”
“Is he white or black?”
“White”
“Of course she is. See she is racist against blacks”
“So you assumed I’d be against a
black man dating a white woman. I’m not
by the way but then you just admitted that a black woman could only be marrying
a white guy if she’s a black White Supremacist and racist.”
The liberal got up and walked to
a different train car. Fanis
chuckled. An Englishman turned around
and said, “You know, I always believed that the right were the racists as well
but you put forth a very convincing counterargument”
“Thank you sir”
“You’re welcome”
Kera and Fanis arrived back at
their flat and decompressed. Kera said,
“Must you pick a political fight with everyone?”
“Yes, I must.”
Kera rolled her eyes. They lied low until their next trip.
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