Nouno the Vigilante Episode 46 Distracted by Young Girls

                Edward Francis Bates is living in Hennepin County, Minnesota.  Contrary to Chris Rock’s 1999 standup routine, there are black people in Minnesota not named ‘Prince.’  At 5’8” Edward has a bit of a Napoleonic complex as he is on the shorter side for a guy.  Due to this, he made sure to put on bulk and he tipped the scales at 202 pounds.  The bald head went far to make him look formidable. 

                Edward enjoyed going to the Brooklyn Center to work out.  When he’d be cooling down, he would watch women run on the track.  There was something about watching their pony tails wave back and forth as they ran forward that intrigued him.  It didn’t hurt that they were normally very fit with toned muscles. 

                One day, he was there late and not many people were around.  A woman had just finished her run and was going through her cool down stretches.  Edward Bates walked up to her and introduced himself.  He started, “Hey gorgeous, I’m Edward.”

                The woman smiled, “Hi Edward.  No disrespect but I just came here for a run.  I’m not really here to socialize.”

                Unfortunately for the woman, Edward did feel disrespected.  When she got up, he grabbed her and forced her into a room.  The woman tried to scream and fight him off but there was no one around to help her.  It didn’t take long for Edward to have her clothes removed and penetrate her against her will.  When he finished, he carried her to the pool and tossed her in hoping that would remove any DNA.  Afterward, he walked out of the Brooklyn Center and drove home as if nothing happened.

 

                Meanwhile in Arizona, Nouno and his wife Abby are getting frustrated with the 24/7 Wuhan Virus coverage.  There have already been two spending bills passed and congress is working on a third one.  There were a couple riders in the second bill so the Republicans were a little wary with the third one.  It was a good thing because the Democrats tried to insert a lot of Green New Deal stuff and tried to reverse President Trump’s executive orders about reinstating mandatory union dues and funding Planned Parenthood.  Abby put her head down for she knew her husband.  He was about to snap.  He yelled out, “What?  That’s how you know this isn’t as serious as they’re making it out to be because they’re trying to pull this shit.”

                “I thought the deal was almost done?” Abby stated trying to distract him

                “It was until Nancy Pelosi came in from California and spoke with Schumer.  The Wall Street Journal calls it the Pelosi-Schumer Coronavirus Contagion.”

                “Isn’t this a Senate bill?”

                “Yes”

                “So then why does Pelosi have any say?”

                “AOC called Pelosi and bitched and Pelosi bitched to Schumer.  Schumer is scared of AOC because she wants to primary him in 2022 so he gave in to her.”

                “How does that make any sense?  It makes you look weak if she is dictating to you what to do.”

                “Who knows?  You’re a woman around her age; you know how you people manipulate men.”

                “Hey Hey Hey, let’s not turn this against me.  Maybe he wants the publicity to make her look bad.”

                “People are suffering! It makes them both look bad but Schumer worse because he actually had a say since he’s the Senator.”

                “What was in the bill?”

                “A lot of stuff but the main thing was $850 Billion in liquidity for businesses to prevent credit defaults and mass layoffs.”

                “That doesn’t sound bad.”

                “Considering the bill was co-written by Democrats and Republicans, no it wasn’t.  On Saturday, Schumer said he was delighted and surprised with the bill then Pelosi swooped in and he did a 180.”

                “What did AOC and Pelosi have against it?”

                “The same thing they always say.  They called it a handout to the wealthy and it was a crony capitalist slush fund for friends and donors.”

                “That’s ridiculous.  People are really struggling now.”

                “I mean, I know I call them libelous, scandalous, and treacherous but this is bad even for them.”

                “Well, I have a way for you to release all that anger.”

                “We got a case?”

                “Yup”

                “Where at?”

                “Minnesota.”

                “I feel like we were just there.  More Hmong rapists?”

                “No, this is a black rapist.”

                “Ah, I see.”

                They book a flight and head to Minnesota.  On the plane, Nouno is still fuming from the bill delay.  He exclaims, “Schumer didn’t even let anyone vote on the bill.”

                “Look, aren’t you supposed to be a conservative?  Isn’t your whole big thing to not rely on the government for anything?  Weren’t you against the bailouts by Bush and Obama?”

                “Yes, I was but the government created the financial panic not the corporations.  The government told us to stay at home.  We listened so we should be helped.  Otherwise, stop being a big government and if we choose to risk it by keeping our business open then that’s our right.  Yes, I would prefer that but if the government is going to tell us to stay at home and then say they won’t help unless we promote highly partisan and polarizing issues, then the bans need to be lifted and we should tell them to keep their money and go pound sand.”

                “Isn’t it the responsibility of the corporations to save money for bad times?”

                “If there’s a slowdown in sales or something is different than they are being forced to close shop for a month or more.  If you don’t have revenue, companies can’t pay their bills.  If they don’t get these loans, millions will need to be laid off.  You can’t have it both ways.  Either allow people to open their businesses if they want to risk the Wuhan Virus or give them the loans.”

                “The people who are struggling are the waiters and waitresses and people who work on tips.  If they’re focused on business owners than it’s not going to the people who need it.”

                “Employers pay employees.  If the employers don’t have money, then employees don’t get money either.”

                “Who’s to say they’ll pass it down?  Not everyone believes in Trickle Down Economics like you.”

                “It doesn’t matter if you believe in it, it still works.  If an employer doesn’t have money, he will lay off employees.  If the company you work for closes its doors for good, you are out of a job.  Do you believe that?”

                “Well, yes obviously”

                “So, it seems you have nothing to lose to give it to the employers so they can keep the shop open.  If they get screwed and the waiters get the money but the shop closes, it’s basically a welfare check.”

                “I never thought of it like that.”

                “It’s so scary that a dumbass like AOC is running the national economic policy and now controls the Speaker of the House and Senate Minority Leader.  How the fuck did this happen?”

                Due to the Wuhan Virus, there is almost nobody on the plane.  This makes Abby happy because she feels less embarrassed with Nouno ranting.  Despite this, she still says, “Calm down so there are a couple things to try to make Union dues mandatory and funding Planned Parenthood.  They tried to sneak some things by and it didn’t work.  Just take it out and then sign it.”

                “Those are just examples.  There’s a bunch of them.”

                “Like what?”

                “I’ll give you the top five that blatantly have nothing to do with containing the virus.  First, they want grants conducting risk-limiting audits for election results.”

                “What does that mean?”

                “They want elections to be federalized instead of state run.”     

                “Yea, definitely has nothing to do with helping people through the pandemic.”

                “Next, we have $ 35 Million for the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts.  They want operation and maintenance.”

                “What?!”

                “Yea, exactly.  No further reaction needed.  Next we have a bailout of the postal service’s outstanding debt that they owe the treasury.  Then, you have the liberal shit like a pay equity and a report of the demographics of the board members and how much they make. She wants them separated by race and gender and compare pay between them.  The last one actually mentions an industry that is struggling.  She wants the FAA to mandate that airlines need to cut their carbon emission to pre-2005 levels by 2025 or else they don’t get a bailout.”

                “This bitch needs to be stopped.”

                “Seriously”

                “Isn’t she a congresswoman in New York?  Half of the cases of the Coronavirus in the country are in New York.  She should want this more than anyone.”

                “And yet, she doesn’t”

                “What a fucking bitch.”

                “Yea, there was a Republican Senator from Wyoming, John Barrasso who snapped.  He threw their list of the demands and couldn’t believe that this is what was holding up a bill to rescue Americans who are struggling.  He urged them to keep voting until they get it passed but was pissed that the Republicans were there to give speeches at the podium but the Democrats were nowhere to be found.  He had a theory about that; they knew what they wanted was indefensible.”

                “Wait, aren’t there 55 Republicans Senators?  Why do they need the Democrats?”

                “Well, Chinese propaganda MSNBC explained that.  Some of the Republicans are quarantined so they can’t vote.  Enough of them think they may be sick that they don’t have the 51 they need.  MSNBC encourages the Democrats to use this as leverage and take advantage to push the liberal agenda.”

                “This is really sick”

                “It’s evil.”

                “That too.”

                “And the media is backing this?”

                “Yea, you see Pelosi found out Mike Lee, Mitt Romney, Rand Paul and others were quarantined so she rushed back to exploit the situation.”

                “Just tele-conference and vote that way.”

                “I’m not sure if they’re allowed but I’d suspend that law for this.”

                “It may not be a bad idea.”

                “Yahoo News’ Jim Clyburn added to this talking about how the Coronavirus bill was a tremendous opportunity to restructure things to meet our vision.”

                “That’s not subtle at all.”

                “No, they’re not all bad though.  Mikie Sherill (D-NJ) was complaining because she was trying to get a bill passed and the Democrats blocked it.  When she asked why, they straight up told her they can’t let President Trump get a win.”

                “She actually said that?”

                “Yes”

                “That’s scary.  I mean I know people don’t like Trump but for something important like this, you need to put that shit aside.”

                “Clearly, the Democrats are incapable of that.”

                They land in Minnesota and check into their hotel.  Nouno goes out to get supplies to sound proof the room and prepare it while Abby hacks into Edward’s social media presence to find everything she can about him.  After they finish preparing the room, Nouno asks, “So, what’s the plan?”

                “He likes the gym.  I’m going to go, wear a revealing sports bra and short shorts and get sweaty.  I’ll make sure to be working out near him. Then when he approaches, I’ll stick him with the sedative.”

                “I’m going to be in the Brooklyn Center too.”

                “Of course!  I need backup in case he realizes what I’m trying to do.”

                Abby had long stopped trying to get Nouno to not be overprotective over her.  In a way, she liked it but they had done this so many times that she wondered how he could be so worried about it.  She was the one taking the risk not him.  The main problem is she wondered how she could have complete faith in him to save her if things went bad but he didn’t have complete faith in either of them and still thought they could fail.  Confidence was the number one quality in a man, so this worked against him.”

                They set out for the Brooklyn Center and Nouno pretended to work out at a distance far enough so that Edward wouldn’t notice, but close enough that he could see.  Abby ran on the treadmill for a little to get a sweat to glisten off her.  She then went to the mats nearby and did yoga poses that involved her to bend over.  She accentuated it by ever so slightly swaying her hips to shake her butt.  It had the desired effect on Edward.  Abby kicked her leg against the wall.  Abby was 5’6” but her leg was about a foot above her head.  She leaned her head to her knee and hugged her leg leaning forward.  She then swung her leg bag and reached behind her head grabbing her foot and pulling it over her shoulder.  All the while with her back toward Edward and she swung her hips accentuating her butt but not enough to make it obvious.  She saw Edward approaching and she got off the wall and jumped throwing her hands back doing a back handspring and then a back flip into a roll and hoisted herself onto her hands and began walking toward Edward on her hands.  Edward nodded his head and declared, “Impressive.”

                Abby smiled, “Thanks, I need to be here late at night because I need room and it’s too crowded during the day.”

                “Well, I’m glad I was also here late.”

                “I know this is a little forward but can you do me favor?”

                Abby draped her legs against the wall upset because when she was  a college cheerleader, she could have held this a lot longer but at 26, she wasn’t as good as she used to be.  Edward seemed amused to be talking to someone who was upside down but that gave him a better view of her butt.  He responded, “What do you need?”

                “Can I drape my legs on your shoulders? I want to do inverted sit ups.”

                Edward’s eyes widened and he told himself internally not to get too excited.  At this point, he was sure he was going to be able to take this blond girl home.  “Sure” he managed to get out

                Abby smiled and pulled her legs from the wall to Edward’s shoulders.  She commanded, “Okay, now hold my shins against your shoulders and don’t let go.”

                “I won’t”

                “Abby lifted her upper body up and swung her body back arching her back.  While she was transferring her legs, she removed the syringe hoping that he would be too distracted with her legs.  It worked as he had no idea.  She jabbed the syringe into his right foot and then swung her legs vertical and darted them forward knocking Edward back and to the ground.  She then dropped her legs and stood normally.  She glanced over at Nouno who seemed mesmerized.  She posed, “Are you going to help me move him?”

                “God I love you.”

                “You’ve seen me do that several times.”

                “Yea, but it never gets old.  It’s fucking hot.”

                “Well, that’s why it works so well.”

                Nouno helps Edward to his feet and drapes his arm over his shoulder.  Abby took the other shoulder and they escorted him to the car and tossed him in the trunk.  They get into the car and drive toward the hotel.

                When Edward woke up, he was discombobulated.  Nouno stood over him, “Hi Edward”

                “Who the fuck are you?”

                “I’m the guy who’s going to punish you for rape since nobody else did.”

                “What are you talking about?”

                Nouno brings up the name of the woman he assaulted and Edward shouts, “I don’t know that girl, you got the wrong guy.”

                “No, I don’t but I believe you that you didn’t know her name.  She was just a cute girl working out and you just had to have her.”

                “You don’t understand.  She was a racist.  All I did was tell her my name and she very rudely dismissed me.”

                “Getting turned down doesn’t justify rape.”

                “Okay, I’m sorry.  Do you know her?  Can I apologize to her?”

                “No on both accounts.”

                “Look, I know I look like some dumb black guy to you but I’m educated.”

                “You look like a rapist to me.  The race card isn’t going to work on me and I really don’t care about your degrees”

                “I can help you.”

                “Doubt it.”

                “Look, you’ve heard of bitcoin right?  Yea, it was a craze a couple years ago and everyone thinks it collapsed.  It was just a prototype.  The dollar is about to go digital.”

                “That would be a bad thing.”

                “No, it’s not, nobody uses cash anymore.”

                “You do know why the government wants to do that right?”

                “Yea, it helps them get rid of their cash problem.  Our national debt is out of control”

                “Yes it is, and part of the reason is people do stupid shit like this.  The government is always looking for ways to spend your money without paying for it.”

                “No, you got it all wrong.  They’re just going to devalue the dollar so that the debt is less.  Most people think inflation is bad but it’s not always.”

                “Yea, inflation is great if you owe a lot of money.  Suddenly that dollar you had buys a lot more than it did before.  You want a digital dollar to monetize the debt.”

                “Yes, exactly”

                “How does the government get money?”

                “Taxes.”

                “And…”

                “That’s it.”

                “Inflation, we were just talking about it.”

                “What’s wrong with it?”

                “Inflation is bad for the creditors.  It also hurts people because the things we need costs more.  With the digital dollar, it’ll cause lower interest rates because the economy will be flushed with it as they can just keep printing money.”

                “Yea, so the interest on our debt won’t be too high.”

                “But the interest on people’s savings accounts won’t be too high either.  There will be no incentive for people to save money.”

                “Yes, so they spend it and that drives the economy.”

                “It hurts people.  The goal of the digital dollar is to create negative interest rates so that there’s a penalty for saving.”

                “I don’t have a problem with that.”

                “Of course not.  They tried this a couple times. After World War I, Germany printed money to pay for war reparations.  Just like you, they wanted to devalue the deutschmark so that the debt wasn’t as high.  What it caused were people who had to use a wheelbarrow to go shopping.  Restaurants couldn’t even print menus because prices went up every hour so they just wrote it on a marker board.  It’s called hyperinflation.  It was so bad, that when a little known Austrian named Adolf Hitler came and told them that they didn’t have to do this, they listened.”

                “Obviously they went too far.”

                “In Japan, they had negative interest rates.  It didn’t lead to people spending money.  It led to people taking their money out of the bank, buying a safe, and putting the money in there.  While everyone’s money around them depreciated, they were winning by staying still.”

                “The Digital Dollar solves this problem because you can’t take it out of the bank.”

                “You don’t see a problem with that?  The government can force you to lose money as you keep it in their banks and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.  That’s pretty tyrannous.”

                “It’s the future”

                “Then the future looks really shitty.  Don’t worry though, you won’t be around to see it” Nouno informed him right before he jammed a knife into his sternum.

 Abby and Nouno wrapped his body in the plastic he was laying on and brought him out to the trunk.  They drove to a crematorium and broke in placing Edward inside and running the machine.  As Minnesota was on lock down due to the Wuhan Virus, they pulled over on a side street and talked.  Nouno complained, “When will they just let people go back to work?”

Chris Hayes said on NBC that there is no option to just let people go back to work if this virus kills 50% of the population.”

“Even in China and Italy where it was most devastating, it didn’t get anywhere close to that.  That is completely hyperbolic hysteria.”

“It’s increasing exponentially.”

“Actually, according to a Nobel Laureate, it’s slowing down.  Back in January, he predicted Chinese death total and was within five deaths.  He says we’ve already reached a flattening of the line and it’s beginning to plateau.”

“I hope he’s right but I don’t think he is.”

“Think of it like a car.  A car may be accelerating out of control but the rate of the acceleration is decreasing so eventually it will start slowing down.”

“That’s eventually.  Right now, the car is still gaining speed just not as quickly as it was before.  I want it to be slowing down not accelerating at a slower rate.”

“It’s a process but soon the number of deaths will start decreasing more every day.”

“Not soon enough.”

“No, we’ve already passed the time of ‘soon enough.’

“That’s one thing we agree on.”

They changed to more lighthearted topics and when it was time, they want back to the crematorium to get rid of the remains in the proper way.  After that, they hurried to the hotel and cleaned up the room and tossed the garbage into a dumpster away from their hotel.  They then went back to the hotel and went to sleep. 

On the plane back, Nouno inquires, “You believe Chris Hayes?”

                Abby shrugs her shoulders, “It’s good to get both sides of the story.”

                “He wants Joe Biden in charge.”

                “So do a lot of people.  That’s why Biden is the presumptive nominee for the Democrat party.”

                “After the #Where’s Biden went viral, he finally gave a statement about the Wuhan Virus.  Compare President Trump who spends two hours a day giving a press conference and answering questions from people who hate him and doing everything they can to trick him and spin any response to make him look back, with Joe Biden’s press conference.”

                “I didn’t see it.”

                ‘He was talking on a teleprompter and it went off so he tried to subtly signal to his aides to get him the paper copy but then waved them off.  He didn’t know what to do when he didn’t have a script.  He couldn’t even last 20 seconds in a prepared speech.”

                “Trump uses Teleprompters too.”

                “Not in the pressers he’s been doing.  He doesn’t know the questions before they’re asked.  Does he sometimes give speeches with a Teleprompter?  Yes, but he certainly is comfortable off the cuff too.”

                “A little too comfortable if you ask me.”

                “Yea, I can see that but he’s not a babbling idiot like Biden.”

                “Why do you always have to compare him to Democrats?  How about him on his own?”

                “I think he’s very good off the cuff.  Yes, his bluntness rubs people the wrong way but we are so sick of political correctness that he’s a breath of fresh air.  He talks like we do.”

                “It’s not presidential”

                “Who decides that?”

                “He purposely calls it the ‘Wuhun Virus’ or ‘China Virus’ just to piss people off.  I know you do that too but you’re not president.  Before the liberals made an issue out of it, you called it the ‘coronavirus’ too.”

                “That was before the Chinese tried to censor Americans.  I’m not putting up with that shit.”

                “If it doesn’t matter what we call it, then you can call it ‘Coronavirus.’

                “It does matter that the Chinese can’t be telling us what we can and cannot say.  Fuck them.  Here’s why it’s bad, the Iranians have jumped on the bandwagon and are now blaming us for the virus. I swear to God, this is straight out of V for Vendetta.  There’s a plague that the English say a foreigner started but it was really them.  The Iranians and Chinese are pushing that narrative.”

                “Why can’t we just focus on containing it and finding treatment?”

                “We’re doing that too.  It’s all hands on deck.  Right now Hydrococholoquin is looking to be the most promising.”

                “Yea, when combined with a Z-pack.  You have to be careful what you put out. I was reading Axios and after Trump put that out, a guy died because he choked on it.  People are blaming Trump.”

                “The dude was a moron.  It wasn’t the medicine, it was fucking fish aquarium cleaner.  Don’t eat fish cleaner!”

                “Was an idiot”

                “The fact that someone needs to tell you this is alarming.  I’m sorry for the coldness but it seemed only a matter of time before he would be eliminated from the gene pool.”

                “Right”

                “His wife blamed herself too.  ‘I needed it because I have koi fish.’  Good for you.  I’m sorry but you married a moron, please choose wiser if you decide for a second attempt.”

                “Was he sick?”

                “No, he thought it would prevent the Wuhan Virus”

                “That’s even worse.  Geez, dumbass”

                “She took it too and is in the hospital.  First all the good stuff could cause heart attacks and he took the form for fish tanks, not for humans. Big difference.”

                “Well, maybe they were good for each other.”

                “Here, I’ll make it simple.  If it comes in a tablet, good for humans.  If it’s powder bad.  If you got it from a pharmacy, good; if you got it from a pet store; bad.  If a doctor gave you a script for it after listening to your symptoms; good;  If someone gave it to you because you bought koi fish; bad.”

                “That’s called ‘common sense.’”

                “All sarcasm aside, how is it Trump’s fault that someone drank a fish tank cleaner?”

                “Buzzfeed picked up the story too.”

                “That’s why I have no faith in the media.”

                “Yea, even I am getting a little annoyed.  The Washington Posts’ Margaret Sullivan is calling networks to ban Trump’s pressers about the virus.”

                “I’m sure the Chinese are so proud.”

                “Actually, the Chinese Propaganda minister re-tweeted it.”

                “Way to make it obvious.  Then again, nobody that supports them will notice.  In fact, I bet the Post is honored to have the Chinese Propaganda minister re-tweet their stuff.  Their boss is happy, which makes them happy.”

                Abby glared at Nouno who gave a guilty smile.  She uttered, “Look Trump wasn’t prepared because they didn’t have M95 masks to distribute in case something like this happened.”

                “I know because they were used in 2009 for H1N1.  Obama was supposed to replenish them but he never did.”

`               “There you go again.”

                “You brought up the problem so I needed to let you know who caused it.”

                “Obama couldn’t have seen this coming.”

                “So, you criticize President Trump for not fixing a problem he didn’t create but you don’t mind the person who actually created the problem.  Newsflash; nobody saw this coming including President Trump.  You can’t give Obama a pass for that reason but not President Trump.”

                “Let’s just forget it okay?”

                “You brought It up.”

                “Well, I’m stopping it then.”

                “Alright”

                There was a smug smile on Nouno’s face.  They landed in Arizona and went back to their home.  Abby changed into thong lingerie and called Nouno.  She asserted, “You need to stop what aboutisms when you’re defending Trump.  It makes it look like you don’t have anything good to say about him on his own.”

                “Of course I do.  I use what aboutisms to expose your….”

                Nouno trailed off because he had reached the bedroom so could see Abby.  She went through her stretching routine that she did in the Brooklyn Center.  She gave a coy smile, “What was that?  You trailed off.”

                Nouno grabbed her legs, which were in the air and rubbed them.  He wrapped her legs around his waist and slapped her bare bottom with his large hands squeezing.  He eased her legs down so that Abby was on all fours and lowered his pants and took her from behind.  Abby smiled and announced, “The things I do to stop you from calling me a hypocrite.”

                Nouno reached around and grabbed her breasts, “Technically the last word was ‘hypocrisy’”

                Abby rolled her eyes and moaned in pleasure.  They made their way to the bed and released the energy to relieve the stress and frustration that the pandemic had caused.