Nouno the Vigilante Episode 25 Impeach this

Felipe Juan Miguel is an illegal immigrant from the Central American country of Guatemala.  He snuck into the country but doesn’t want to assimilate.  At 25-years-old, he is still young enough to learn new skills and could use the economic freedom of the United States but instead he does none of this.  Felipe knows that ICE targets sanctuary cities and waits for them to leave their safety before nabbing them.  He decides that it would be a better idea to move to a place where people are less likely to look.  While looking at places to go, he talks with other Hispanics and they all tell him to avoid the Deep South like Mississippi and Alabama.  Since Felipe plans to lay low and be in the shadows anyway, he decides he’s going to move to the one place nobody will go; Alabama.  He settles in Boaz, Alabama.  Unfortunately for Miguel, his laying low is not going to last long as there are things that are okay in Guatemala but are not tolerated in the United States.  Americans will make excuses for ‘cultural differences’ for many things but there are some things that they draw the line on.

Merely three months after Miguel enters the country, he has met a lot of his neighbors and found them extremely hospitable.  Despite his inability to speak English, his neighbors played charades and practiced their Spanish with him.  One girl named Anna had a Hispanic father and an American mother.  Her parents were divorced but despite her parents’ demographics, her face had an Asian tint to it as her eyes weren’t as round as you’d expect.  She had tanned skin with long wavy black hair.  At 5’5” she was tall for her age and under 12-years-old so a child in every sense of the word.  The rest of her body, however, didn’t keep up with her spurt up and she was very lanky and skinny.  In order to feel closer with her father, she tried to learn Spanish despite the fact that her father spoke fluent English.  Being a single mother, her mom worked and couldn’t be home when Anna returned.  She had met Felipe and even though there was a language barrier, she was okay with Anna spending some time at his house especially when her ex-husband met him and had an actual conversation with him in his native Spanish.

One day, Anna was over Felipe’s house and Felipe offered her some food and drink.  It was a hot day and Anna was wearing a sleeveless shirt and short shorts.  When Anna didn’t understand what Felipe was saying, she handed him her phone to type into a translator.  Felipe looked at her and asked, “I see that you’re growing into a woman”

“What do you mean?”

Felipe reached out and grabbed at Anna’s chest and snapped her training bra, “You need this to hold some recent things popping up.”

Anna stared at her phone and froze.  She wasn’t exactly sure how to react.  All she could think to say was “Gracias”

“Have you bled yet?”

As Anna looked at her phone for the translation she gave him a confused look.  She responded, “What do you mean?”

Felipe rubbed her groin over her shorts and answered, “Has blood come out of here?”

“I don’t really know why you want to know that.”

“It’s hot in here; take off your shirt and shorts”

“I think I should go home”

Felipe grabbed her arm, “Come on, it’s not a big deal, it’s the same as going to the pool or the beach.”

“There’s nowhere to go swimming”

“I’m an adult, it’s okay”

Hesitantly, Anna removed her shirt and shorts.  Felipe motioned, “Turn around”

Anna spun around and Felipe nodded.  He approached her and ran his hands along her arms and reached her hips.  He slid his hands to her butt and slipped his fingers under her underwear and felt her butt.  He moved them to the front and he explained, “Soon, you’re going to have to put something in here,” sticking the tip of his pinky into her groin, “to stop blood from coming out.  This will happen every month.”

Since Felipe’s hands were occupied, he couldn’t use the translator and Anna’s Spanish wasn’t good enough to understand everything he was saying.  Felipe seemed to prefer it this way.  He removed his fingers from her underwear and moved them up to her chest cupping her chest.  He typed into the translator, “You’re going to make a beautiful woman.  Everything is forming really nicely”

                “Gracias” Anna’s lips was quivering and her body was shaking.  “I want to go home now”

                “You can leave whenever you want.”

                Anna put her shirt and shorts back on and walked out of the house a little faster than she normally did.  She got home and panted.  Although she wasn’t completely sure what just happened, she had a feeling it wasn’t okay.  She decided she’d stop going to Felipe’s house.

 

                Meanwhile in Arizona, Nouno and his wife Abby were in their house enjoying their day.  Although they had jobs that allowed them to work from home, their side job was national vigilantes.  Abby would troll the internet looking for cases in which someone wasn’t prosecuted for a heinous crime for political reasons.  Abby called out to her husband, “Hey Nouno, who’s Gordon Sondland?”

                “He’s the Trump ambassador to the EU and the United States point man to Ukraine why?”

                “Well, he’s coming to DC”

                “Alright, I’m not too surprised, he is our man”

                “Yea, but he’s going to Capitol Hill to testify about the Whistleblower case”

                “Good”

                “Why good?”

                “Because we already have his texts where he unequivocally said that Trump did not offer a quid pro quo.”

                “Then why doesn’t Trump want him to testify?”

                “Trump has never used his executive privilege though I think he should.  He’s so obsessed about being the most transparent president that he lets them go on their witch hunts”

                “No, he forbid him from testifying an hour before he was supposed to.  Sondland flew all the way here for nothing.”

                Nouno, who was watching TV, turned it off.  He looked up and his eyes lit up, “Holy shit!”

                Abby sensed that Nouno just had an epiphany but she didn’t know what it was, “What?” she hesitantly posed.

                “It all makes sense now.  Trump wrote a letter to Pelosi daring her to impeach him”

                “Well, she’s going to”

                “I’m not so sure anymore.  Trump seems desperate for her to do it.”

                “Why wouldn’t she?”

                “Maybe Pelosi doesn’t have the votes.  The Whistleblower hoax has blown up in their face so catastrophically that Democrats who are not in heavy blue districts may not vote for impeachment in fear that their constituents will hold it against them.  The transcript is out.  All interested parties know that nothing bad was said.  If they impeach on it, then it puts Democrats in red districts or only slightly blue districts in a tough position.”

                “That’s why they are so hesitant on taking a vote and keep saying they don’t need to vote.”

                “Right and even though it’s been a week, Pelosi hasn’t responded to Trump’s letter.”

                “What does this have to do with not letting Sondland testify?”

                “A week or two ago, Pelosi and Schiff had a press conference threatening Trump that if he stopped any witness from testifying, they would call it ‘obstruction’ even though the president has the right to utilize executive privilege.  It’s completely legal so Pelosi and Schiff threatening this is an abuse of power and exploitation of people who don’t know any better.”

                Abby lowers her head and nods as this sets in.  She looks up and states, “You’re saying that since they threatened, he’s calling their bluff.”

                “Right.  Oh really?  If I withhold him from testifying, you’re going to impeach?  Fine, I withhold him from testifying.  You’re move bitches!”

                “He called their bluff.”

                “And he knows they don’t got the cards.”

                “Anyway, we have a case.”

                “Where are we going?”

                Abby’s face contorted as fury filled it.  “Alabama”

                “Okay, based on your expression, I’m guessing you don’t like this person…or you just don’t like going to Alabama”

                “What people do I hate the most?”

                “Pedophiles”

                “Right”

                “So, we’re going after a child rapist”

                “Yes, well not really.  He just touched her in sensitive areas but still disgusting”

                “You don’t get credit for not raping someone.”

                “Right! So I’ll get a flight”

                “Sounds good”

                A couple days later, Nouno boards the plane and continues his conversation, “I just thought of this, if Trump gets impeached for Ukrainian collusion, then the Republicans can call Joe and Hunter Biden to testify.  They will have to answer questions about their collusion and Ukrainian ties under oath.”

                “Oh God, then an impeachment hearing turns into a trial with the Democrats about their malfeasance and we may not know who’s on trial, Obama or Trump”

                “Exactly and the Republicans control the Senate who decides if President Trump is removed from office.  Not to mention, that you don’t need a majority, you need 67 senators.”

                “So, Trump gets to stay in office and they take their pound of flesh with high ranking Democrats under oath”

                “And McConnell already said he’ll make sure it’s public testimony and the Whisstleblowers will have to testify”

                “This will be a circus”

                “That the Democrats started”

                Abby rolls her eyes while Nouno smiles devilishly.  Abby puts headphones in and goes back to her phone and Nouno follows her lead and watches a movie.  Not too long later, they land in Alabama.  The first thing they do is canvass the area looking for crematoriums that are on the outskirts of the city but also poorly secured.  They found the perfect place and go back to their motel.  While Abby trolls social media for Felipe’s habits, Nouno sound proofs the motel.  They strategize and decide on a place.  Nouno inquires, “Do you want to be the bait?”

                “No, I’m a little old for this fucker”

                “He’s only a year younger than you”

                “Yea, we know the age he targets!”

                “Oh, that part”

                “Yea, THAT part.  Really the only part that matters”

                “I’m sure he likes hot girls his own age.”

                “I’m not doing it.  I can’t turn on the charm for these creepos”

                “Alright fine, we’ll think of something else”

                Nouno tracks Felipe to a Spanish night club.  Nouno is fluent in Spanish but he’s not a very good dancer.  There aren’t many people in the club but Nouno waits outside for Felipe to be done dancing.  Finally, Felipe leaves the club and heads towards his car.  Nouno pulls his car in front of Felipe with his window down.  He addresses him in Spanish, “Excuse me, I’m really lost”

                Felipe instinctively bends to see who’s in the car and Nouno lunges a syringe into Felipe’s neck depressing the plunger as a heavy sedative reconnoiters in Felipe’s blood stream as he passes out.  Nouno drags Felipe, who is not a large man, and shoves him in the backseat.  He then drives off and heads back to the motel.

                When Felipe wakes up, he is strapped down by plastic on a bed also covered in plastic.  He starts struggling and yelling and Nouno jams a sock in his mouth and castigates him in Spanish, “No yelling”

                Felipe nods and Nouno queries, “If I remove the sock, are you going to be quiet?”

                Felipe nods and Nouno removed the sock.  As Felipe takes a deep breath, Nouno explains, “Now, you are here because you illegally came to this country and then refused to listen to our customs.”

                “I talked with people in my neighborhood”

                “You also molested a little girl in your neighborhood”

                “What customs have I not abided by?”

                “You’ve been living her three months and you still don’t speak English”

                “I watch American news in Spanish.  I know things that most Americans don’t”

                “Like what?”

                “Bill Taylor, he found out some things about Trump”

                “No, he didn’t.  he’s a US diplomat to Ukraine.”

                “He said that there was a deal made with Ukraine to destroy Biden”

                “No, he asked Sondland about it.  What the news didn’t tell you was that Sondland answered that the president was very clear that there was no Quid pro Quo or deal made.  He was very clear but they don’t tell you the response.”

                “Well Taylor isn’t the main person in charge, it’s Adam Schiff.”

                “Yea, it’s weird that someone who works for him, Thomas Eagar, went to Ukraine from August 24-31.  The trip was paid for by the Atlantic Counsel”

                “Okay, so I don’t know as much about the news as you do but I’m trying to learn.  Please teach me.”

                “Schiff signed off on the trip so we know he knew about it.”

                “Ok”

                “August 28 is right after the Whistleblower told Schiff about the phone call and complained.  He then tweeted that there was a Quid pro Quo about the Ukraine deal and thinks it’s Impeachable.”

                “What’s ‘impeach’”

                “You want a court case to see if you want to remove the president from office.”

                “What is this Atlantic Counsel that paid for the trip?”

                “They are an investment group.  They are partners with Burisma.  In fact, the CEO of Burisma is on the board of the Atlantic Counsel”

                “That’s the company Joe Biden’s son worked for”

                “Yes”

                Abby grunts her frustration.  She doesn’t speak Spanish and can’t stand the sight of Felipe.  She cries out, “Oh come on! Look asshole, you’re here because you’re a piece of garbage.  Normally with you child fuckers, I cut you dick off but technically you didn’t rape her so I’ll just do this” as she lifted her right leg straight in the air and snapped her heel down on Felipe’s scrotum. 

                Nouno immediately reinserted the sock.  Abby shifted her weight to her right leg and applied pressure as Felipe squirmed to no avail.  Abby stared at Felipe’s pained face as she twisted her foot digging it into his testicles.  After around twenty seconds, she released her leg.  As if nothing happened, Nouno proceeded, “Some think that Bill Taylor might have been on the Atlantic Counsel too but we don’t know for sure.  All we know is that Burisma was a partner.”

                “What was that about?”

                “The Whistleblower said it was a direct transcript but it wasn’t so the news is lying”

                “No, what she did to me”

                “For what you did to that girl”

                “Can I go now?”

                “Go where?”

                “Home”

                “No, you’re going to hell” as Nouno stabbed him in the midsection killing him instantly. 

                Abby and Nouno wrapped the body and took him to the crematorium where they ran the machine and put Felipe’s body in it.  They left the crematorium and drove to a diner to get some food.  As they did, Abby queried, “Wouldn’t this whole Ukraine thing be cleared up if we just asked the Ukrainian President?”

                “The whole argument is that we shouldn’t ask foreigners for help against domestic candidates and investigations”

                “Yea, but we both know that always happens”

                “So, then why the hysteria?”

                “Forget the hysteria.  We’re having a logical discussion”

                “We don’t have to ask him.  President Zelensky has volunteered several times that he never felt pressured by Trump”

                “So, what are we talking about?”

                “A repeat of the Russian collusion hoax.  Leak to the media, talk about how damning something is.  Trump then declassifies what they’re talking about proving them wrong but they still double down on the story.  Meanwhile, they just humiliate themselves.  The question is why are people falling for it again?”

                “Well considering you don’t think they have votes in the House and the House has a Democrat majority, I’m guessing that people aren’t falling for it again”

                “Some are”

                “Yea but less than before”

                “Which is good”

                They talked about other things and when it was ready, they returned to the crematorium to discard the remains.  They locked up just as they had before and left.  The next day, Abby and Nouno were on a plane back to Arizona.  On the plane, a man sitting next to them asked, “Do you follow politics?”

                Nouno replied, “Yes”

                “What do you think about the Democrat field?”

                “I think they’re in trouble”

                “What makes you say that?”

                “Look at the three front runners.  First you have Bernie Sanders who just had a heart attack so there are credible health concerns for him.  Aside from that, he is a socialist but unfortunately that’s not bad nowadays.  Then you have Biden but with all this Ukrainian collusion rumors and the nepotism with his son and all his gaffes, he’s not looking too promising.  Now, the conservatives are going to target Elizabeth Warren and between her lying about being Native American and how she is no longer a teacher; it’s not looking good for her either.”

                “You mean how she was fired from teaching because she was visibly pregnant?”

                “Yea, turns out that’s a lie” Nouno shows him a video from 2007 where Elizabeth Warren talks about being a special needs teacher and then declares, “I didn’t have the educational certificates so I don’t think this is going to work out for me.”

                “Wait, so she wasn’t fired for being pregnant. She was fired for not having the degrees you need to teach.”

                “No, she wasn’t even fired.  She’s a pathological liar. Some people lie to make other people or themselves look good.  Her lies do that but also victimize and slanders people.  In this case the principal who hired her.  With the Native American stuff. it was her neighborhood and family who made ‘racist’ comments to her.  All bullshit because she’s not Native American so there would be nothing for anyone to say since she’s just white.”

                “What do you mean she wasn’t fired?”

                “She was offered a position the year after.  She turned it down because of the credentials thing.”

                “That can’t be right”

                Nouno showed him the letter from the school inviting her to start up the next year.  The man frowns, “Well, she’s endearing herself to the corporations.  I saw a piece in the Wall Street Journal called ‘King Warren of the Round Table”

                “You didn’t actually read the article though did you?”

                “I did” he said defensively

                “If you read it, you would know she was telling companies to not be accountable to their share holders but to answer to their stake holders.”

                “I don’t even know what that means.”

                “Companies need to be ‘woke’ and take on her social causes if they want her support.  Liberals can’t win in elections or the courts anymore so now they’re threatening businesses.  The sad thing is it’s working as companies think if they say the right thing, they won’t be targeted.  They are wrong.”

                “So, companies answer to government agencies promoting causes”

                “Yup”

                “This is instead of the people that bought into the company and actually own it”

                “Correct, also known as ‘stockholders’”

                “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

                “Unfortunately, the democrats seem to break that record a lot.”

                The plane lands and Nouno and Abby go home.  Nouno was a huge NBA fan and Abby cries out, “Well, you’re going to like what Daryl Morey did”

                Daryl Morey was the General Manager for the Houston Rockets.  Nouno replies, “What’s that?”

                “He tweeted that he supports and stands with Hong Kong”

                “Wow, that’s surprising since Houston has Chinese jerseys and likes playing over there.”

                “Yea, not anymore”       

                “What do you mean?”

                “China got mad and the NBA forced him to delete the tweet.  The Commissioner Adam Silver issued an apology and China has dumped the Houston Rockets and won’t let them play in China anymore.”

                “Guess the NBA is only woke activists when they’re attacking America.  Losing out on the Chinese market, they suddenly don’t care about social issues.”

                “Yea, you know forced abortions, concentration camps for Muslims, spying on their citizens, no freedom of speech” Abby rejoined with mock in her voice

                “But they refused to play in North Carolina because they refused to allow transgenders to use any bathroom they wanted.”

                “Yea, priorities”

                “What hypocrites.  They ban the world ‘owner’ but heaven forbid they condemn China for oppressing the people of Hong Kong”

                Abby smiles, “I’m glad we got rid of one more weirdo”

                “Me too, unfortunately, I don’t think our work will ever be done”

                “It won’t be, but we can only do our small part”

                “I agree”

                Abby and Nouno decompressed and went back to their normal routine.  This would continue until, of course, another case stumbled upon them. 

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