Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Nouno the Vigilante Episode 27: Southern Barbeque


Deangelo Parnell lives in Mobile, Alabama.  In Alabama, you are either an Auburn fan or an Alabama fan when it came to college football, which is more like a religion.  The county of Mobile was the largest county in America.  It was even bigger than Rhode Island.  At 17-years-old, Deangelo is almost college age.  He is a very big fan of the Alabama Crimson Tide and is going to attend a game.  It isn’t expected to be a very good game as Alabama one of the, if not the, best team in the country is playing Duke. Although Duke has a phenomenal basketball team, their football team is lacking.  People, however, will be tuned into to see a slaughter and just what Alabama can do in this glorified scrimmage. Unfortunately, Deangelo is planning a slaughter of a different kind.

Even though it’s not supposed to be a good contest, please flock to the game in droves to watch the mighty Crimson Tide play.  Deangelo drives to the game and is happy that security is a little lax for he is hiding something that, if found, would, at best, be confiscated but authorities may be called.  As he gets into the stadium, he takes out a gun and opens fire on the crowd.  Before security can subdue him, he has injured nine people.  Luckily, there are no casualties.

               

Meanwhile in Arizona, Abby and her husband Nouno are getting ready to watch college football.  They are both Ohio State fans having grown up in Cleveland, Ohio but they are curious to watch Alabama play.  Abby knows that Nouno isn’t expecting much of a fight from Duke.  Given that Nouno was born at Duke Hospital and spent the first three years of his life there, she knows he supports the team.  It’s for this reason, she turns to him and taunts, “You ready for your boys to get a mugging?”

Nouno smiles, “You never know.  Alabama may look past them and not take them seriously. Duke has nothing to lose so they can go all out.”

Abby gives him a questioning look, “Oh come on!”

                Nouno smiles back, “Yea I know”

                As the game progresses and they watch live as a fan opens fire, Nouno shakes his head, “Well, I guess we got a case.”

                “Well, we need to wait to see if law enforcement takes care of it.”

                “Alright but these public shooters piss me off.”

                “Me too, but we have to at least let the authorities do their job.  If they fail, then we’re going to Alabama.”

                “Fair enough”

                “I saw a thing about the Steele dossier.  Why are they talking about that again?”

                “First of all, it’s the Simpson dossier, they just put Steele’s name on it.”

                 “Why would they do that?  Who doesn’t want credit for their work?” Abby exclaimed,

                “Funny you should ask that because Glenn Simpson’s wife, Mary Jacoby, posted on Facebook that she was annoyed that Christopher Steele was getting credit for Glenn’s work.”

                “You didn’t answer my question.”

                “Oh, that’s easy.  Steele had credibility from his work on the FIFA case.  They wanted the dossier to be taken seriously so they put Steele’s name on it.  People would have been more suspicious if they knew it was written by a former Wall Street Journal writer who now does oppositional research.  A journalist who, by the way, Hillary Clinton had paid through the law firm Perkins Coie.”

                “Fine, but why now?”

                “The IG report is supposed to come out any day now.  It was delayed because Durham spoke to Christopher Steele for two days.  After the meeting, they delayed the release for a couple months.”

                “That seems like a big deal.”

                “Right, and mainstream media ignores it.  There’s only one question: Will Steele stay strong or will he squeal?”

                “What happens if he doesn’t stay strong?”

                “Then a whole lot of people are going down.  I would say Brennan and Comey are in the most trouble.”

                A couple weeks go by, and since Deangelo was a minor, he is released.  Abby and Nouno quickly book a flight to Mobile.  While on the plane, Nouno turns to Abby, “With all this talk about the IG report being released, I’m getting a flashback of memories.”

                Abby rolls her eyes.  She’s getting sick of Nouno’s obsession with politics.  She does realize that the Democrat’s story has changed but the fact that nobody has been arrested despite all this “damning and explosive” evidence, she has a feeling both sides are full of shit.  Nouno’s story, however, hasn’t changed.  It’s not like it’s been disproven the way the left has and they just move on.  She knows it’s important to him so she humors him, “Alright, I’ll bite.  What memories have come flashing back?”

                “Trey Gawdy was on Hannity and he made an ominous announcement to anyone investigating the case.  He said they should look into December 2016 e-mails between Brennan and Comey.  Gawdy also said that no effort was made to verify the information.”

                “Where are you going with this?”

                “Well, Durham is interviewing CIA analysts about the origins of the FISA warrant on Carter Page.  It’s not casual and is a more official capacity considering the analysts are all lawyering up.”

                “You like building suspense.  Just spit it out.”

                “John Brennan was head of the CIA.  He said he didn’t see the dossier until December 2016, which is when these texts between Comey and Brennan happened.  At the time, Comey thought the information he got from Brennan was corroborating the Steele-Simpson information.  What if he figured out that Brennan had the same source he did?  What if the texts were argumentative and contentious?”

                “You’re saying Comey was mad at Brennan for not being forthright with him on where he got the information.”

                “Right”

                “That doesn’t make sense.  Wasn’t Brennan and Comey together on this?  DIdn’t they speak in one voice at the White House per Strzok and Page texts?  Comey was the FBI director right?”

                “He was the FBI director but remember that’s when everything was going well and they thought Hillary would win.  Once shit hit the fan, then anger could arise.  I don’t think they’re very friendly now.  Especially because Brennan already said in an interview that it would’ve been a derelict of duty by the FBI if they didn’t verify the information he gave them.  After all, Brennan claimed, he just gave them snippets about stuff he’d heard.  It’s the FBI’s responsibility to verify it.”

                “Brennan threw Comey under the bus.”

                “Yes, he did.”

                “Is he right though?  Does the FBI verify information that the CIA gets?”

                “No, they both do.  You think the CIA goes around acting on information they haven’t checked?”

                “Didn’t Brennan say that he pulsed his information against the FBI’s information in summer of 2016?”

                Nouno nods and tilts his head to the right impressed.  “Yes, because he already had the information.  He didn’t need to see the dossier because he was talking to the source.”

                “Steele or Simpson?”

                “Steele”

                “But you say he didn’t write it.”

                “He had an idea what was in it.  He seems to forget some aspects when he talks to the State Department but for the most part, he knew what Simpson wrote.”

                “Wasn’t there another reason you knew Brennan knew the dossier information before 2016?”

                “Because he briefed the gang of 8 on Capitol Hill in August 2016.  The information he gave was only found in the dossier.”

                Nouno and Abby land in Mobile and check into a motel.  They immediately canvas the area for crematoriums as is their routine.  After they find the perfect place, Abby starts hacking in Deangelo’s social media to find out his habits.  Luckily, Deangelo is like most 17-year-olds and is eternally present and very transparent on social media.  Abby is surprised by this given what he did but it works in her favor.  He did open a shadow account but didn’t hide it well and Abby easily figured it out.  They devise a strategy and wait it out.  Abby states, “I haven’t seduced anyone in a while.”

                “Good thing too.”

                “Why’s that?” Abby snided back

                “High risk.  I don’t want you getting hurt.”

                “Yea, I know you worry about me.” She responded with a charming smile and continued, “Can I do this one?”

                “He’s not a rapist.  Besides, you’re kind of old for him.”

                The smile turned to a frown.  Abby was 26 and the age difference between her and DeAngelo was the same as Nouno and Abby.  “You don’t think I can seduce a teenager?”

                “I’m sure you could but it’s not necessary.”

                “No, I’m doing this.  I’m still young; I’m not an old geezer like you.”

                “You do realize that you are in the exact middle between me and DeAngelo?”

                Abby’s mouth opened wide and she lowered her chin to her chest.  She shook her head and got silent.  Nouno knew she wouldn’t stay mad for long.

 

                Deangelo was at Buffalo Wild Wings watching Alabama football.  DeAngelo orders wings and a coke and watches the game at a small table.  While watching, a girl walks to his table with a beer in her hand.  She is blond and looks a little older.  Based on the beer, DeAngelo figured she’s 21 but he thinks she’s slightly older than that.  Then again, he’s not really thinking about that.  All he’s paying attention to is the cleavage on her low cut shirt.  The girl speaks, “Hey kid, I’ll make you a deal.  This place is packed can I just sit at your table.  I’ll buy you a beer if I can have some of your wings.”

                For the first time, DeAngelo looks at her face.  He knows it would be suspicious if the waitresses saw him with a beer in front of him.  With that said, he doesn’t want to admit that he’s not 21.  He had a plan to get around this, “How about we share the beer and the wings?”

                “Perfect, thank you so much.  You’re so sweet” the blond replies with an ear to ear smile and an overabundance of charm in her voice.

                They watch the game together and DeAngelo likes that she is highly engaged in the game and is cheering for Alabama.

 

                Abby knew she could lure DeAngelo with alcohol.  High school boys love to drink.  She already had a backup plan if the waitresses realized he was drinking underage but doubted she would have to.  The restaurant was packed with Alabama fans.  There were way too many people to pay attention if some kid was taking a sip of someone else’s beer.  While watching the game, she made sure to drop the wings onto her breasts so that barbeque sauce got on them.  She acted catty and called herself clumsy but didn’t wipe it off.  In the corner of her eye, she knew that DeAngelo was fixated on them.  His eyes were oscillating from her chest to the screen to watch football.  When the game ended, DeAngelo asked, “Do you want to go back to my car and I’ll lick that barbeque sauce off you.”

                Abby smiled, “Don’t wipe your hands.  You’re not the only one that wants to suck barbeque sauce off body parts.”

                “Well, let’s go to my car and we’ll compromise.  I don’t think you’re dirty enough.  I’d like to rub more sauce on you.”

                Abby puckered her lips and licked them seductively, “Let’s go.”

                They walked to the car and DeAngelo couldn’t get the smile off his face.  DeAngelo opened the door to the backseat.  Abby got in on the other side and DeAngelo leaned in not realizing that he fell right into a syringe.  Abby depressed the plunger and DeAngelo was unconscious instantly.  Abby climbed into the driver’s seat and drove the car.  Nouno followed them in his rental car.  They went down a side street and parked DeAngelo’s car as Nouno transferred him to the trunk of their car.  Abby got in the passenger side and gave Nouno a smug smile.  Nouno looked over with a condescending grin of his own, “What? You didn’t think I knew you could do it?”

                “Well, you gave me shit about it.”

                “I just like messing with you.  You know I know you’re a hot chic.” Abby blushed but rolled her eyes.  Nouno finished with, “Then again, turning a teenage boy on isn’t exactly hard.”

                Abby slapped Nouno in the arm and shook her head.  Nouno always wondered why good looking girls never realize how good looking they are.  Do they think it’s a coincidence that they get cat called wherever they go?

                When DeAngelo woke up he was strapped to a bed covered in plastic.  Nouno stood over him, “I know I wasn’t who you wanted to see.”

                “What happened?  I didn’t even drink that much.  Who are you?”

                “I’m the husband of the woman you tried to take into your car and fuck.”

                “Oh, hey man, I didn’t know she was married.  She approached me.  I meant no disrespect.”

                Abby chimed in, “Oh really?  You didn’t invite me to your car so you could lick the barbeque sauce off my boobs?”

                Now DeAngelo was confused.  “You didn’t tell me you were married.  You wanted to sit at my table and I said yes.  Look, you’re very attractive so I took a shot.  You could have said no.”

                “And you could’ve not opened fire at a sporting event.”

                DeAngelo’s eyes wandered back and forth.  Theo grinned and articulated, “Yea, we set you up.”

                “So, you’re not mad that I hit on your wife.”

                “Not at all, you were supposed to.  We had to get you away from people so we could knock your ass out.  How does it feel that a girl knocked you out by the way?”

                “Look, I’m only 17.  I’m young and stupid.  I wanted to be popular and, you know, people get famous when they shoot up public places.  I didn’t kill anyone.”

                “That’s because cops stopped you before you could.  You hurt nine people.”

                “But they’re alive.”

                “Yea, not really good enough kid”

                “What are you going to do to me?”

                “Kill you.”

                “Oh come on! We are at a crucial moment in American history.”

                “How’s that?”

                “Durham is about to interview Brennan.”

                “John Durham?  The US Attorney investigating the origins of Spygzte?  Or, you just have a problem with the city that Duke is in?  That’s why you shot up the game?”

                “No, the US Attorney General”

                “Why do you think it’s interesting that he’s interviewing Brennan?”

                “Are you kidding?  The former head of the CIA is in tight spot.  If he pleads the fifth, he looks really bad.  If he’s honest, it’s worse because then everyone will know he’s been lying for years all over the media.  If he lies, he commits perjury.  There’s no good course of action for him.”

                “Why does that excite you?”

                “Dude, every black man loves to see the po-po go down.”

                “He’s CIA not a police officer”

                “Same difference man.  We take what we can get.”

                “Then you must be hoping that Christopher Steele sings.”

                “Hell yea, I want him to snitch!  If he snitches than everyone goes down.”

                “Well, Joe Digenova reported that Steele is talking to Durham and saying the FBI lied.”

                “Shit, I didn’t hear that.  When did he say that?”

                “Back in July I think.  On July 26, 2019, the IG report, which was supposed to come out in the summer, was delayed until early fall.  First, it was Labor Day but given that it’s almost Halloween, it’s just soon”

                “Why was it delayed?”

                “Because Durham and Barr talked to Steele for two days.  After the two days, they realized they needed more time.”

                “That’s what I’m saying, I can’t die.  I need to see how it ends.  I’m sorry for what I did.  A court of law decided I wasn’t a threat to society.”

                “Well, yea but we think you are.”

                “I’m not; I swear”

                “Would you tell me if you were?”

                “Well….no….but, you said the FBI, what about Brennan and the CIA?”

                “They always claimed they got the information separate from Steele because they didn’t talk to Steele before December 2016.  Given that they all had information that is only found in the dossier, various CNN analysts have gotten lawyers.  They know they’re in an official fight.”

                “Things are finally happening.  Come on, just let me go.  I won’t tell anyone.  I didn’t touch your wife.  You got me man.  Congratulations. You got a hot girl to marry you!  Good job man.”

                “Thanks”

                “Just let me go home and we’ll forget this ever happened.  I’m not even an adult yet.”

                “And you’re not going to be” Nouno fired back as he stabbed him in the midsection.  DeAngelo died quickly and Abby and Nouno wrapped the body and transported it to the crematorium.  They broke in and activated the machine to cremate the body. 

                As the machine was running, Abby and Nouno went to a restaurant and get dinner.  Abby inquired, “Anything else jar your memory now that we’re going to have to relive this again?”

                “Yea, the only date that wasn’t redacted on the FISA was St. Patrick’s Day 2017.”

                “Why not?”

                “It was handwritten.  It was the day that the FISA was given to the Senate Intelligence Committee with the note to read and return.”

                “Okay”

                “So this committee had Mark Werner, Diane Feinstein and others that hate Trump.”

                “A lot of people in congress hate Trump”

                “Right, but them especially.  Anyway, Senator Werner texted Steele’s lawyer Adam Waldman on March 17, 2017…”

                “The same day that the committee he was on got the FISA”

                “Yea, so we have the texts.  Werner keeps trying to call Waldman but Waldman isn’t answering.  He mentions that he’s going into a SCIF”

                “Which is….?”

                “Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility.”

                “So, where you look at classified information”

                “Yes, so Waldman finally texts back to talk whenever he’s free.  Werner tries to call again and can’t get a hold of him and texts to that effect.”

                “Alright so Waldman was probably in the SCIF reading the FISA”

                “Yea, he just got it”

                “So what?”

                “Now, he’s panicking because Durham and Barr are looking into the FISA so he’s exposed?”

                “How?  You can’t get in trouble for looking at a document given to you.”

                “Ah, his staffer James Wolfe got indicted for lying to the FBI.”

                “What does that have to do with anything?”

                “James Wolfe sent 82 text messages to a journalist named Ali Watkin.  The FISA is 83 pages long.  The last page is a signature page.  After the texts, they have a 28 minute conversation.”

                “Well then that’s why he got indicted; he leaked a classified document.”

                “No, that’s not what I said.  Wolfe’s lawyer said that if they charge him for leaking classified information, he would issue subpoenas for the Senators on the Senate Intelligence Committee”

                “Like Feinstein and Werner”

                “Yes, that’s why he was indicted for lying not for leaking.”

                “They can’t have Senators being forced to answer questions under oath.”

                “Yea, and the Senators started lobbying for leniency for Wolfe”

                “I wonder why?” Abby remarked sarcastically. 

                “Yea, puzzling” Nouno fired back just as sarcastic

                “I still don’t understand what the Senators would say that would help Wolfe?  Did he just want them to go down with him?”

                “Not really.  He wanted them to admit that they told him to leak the FISA to the press.  With Senate approval, it may be exculpatory.”

                “Oh shit.  Yea, they make their staffer do their dirty work and expose him but he doesn’t fall on the sword.  Instead, he threatens to bring them down, which saves himself.”

                “Exactly”

                “Good plan”

                “It was, but they still had a back up plan?”

                “What’s that?”

                “Joseph Mifsud.”

                “Oh God, I don’t want to listen.  Yes, he’s from Malta.  He spends a lot of time in London with English intelligence and officials.  He probably isn’t a Russian asset like they said.”

                “You do realize that destroys their entire case since they claim they opened the investigation into Trump because Papadopoulos talked to Mifsud, who they pretend is a Russian agent.  If he’s not, he just talked to a friendly ally and there was no reason to open the investigation.”

                “I get that but you’ve beaten it to a pulp.”

                “That’s because it’s crucial”

                “Fine! But just move on, I know this part.”

                “Alright, it’s time to go back anyway.”

                They pay their bill and go back to the crematorium to clean up.  After discarding the remains in the proper way, they go back to the hotel.  The next day, they fly back to Arizona with no one the wiser.  DeAngelo’s mom sent out a search party but nobody linked it to anyone.  They would never find the body and it would take a while before they declared the missing person dead.  Especially considering it wasn’t too farfetched he ran away to avoid people who knew what he did in that Alabama stadium. 

                Abby and Nouno arrived back in Arizona and went back to what they always did: watch sports together.  They didn’t give DeAngelo a second thought.  Nouno ordered wings and threw a piece into Abby’s chest.  Abby gave him a dirty look but Nouno moved in and licked the sauce off her breasts.  When they were done with the wings, Abby licked the sauce off of Nouno’s fingers.  It didn’t take long before they were in the bedroom to let out some pent up urges.  As things were back to normal, they would go back to their life until duty called again.  The peripatetic vigilantes celebrate another successful mission.  

 

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