Theo the Trump Employee Episode 6 The Democrats Double Dwn on Stupid

Nouno Rozy had grown up in the Midwest.  Since both of his parents were born in New York City, he had a lot of extended family there.  Because of this, he would visit often and ever since he was four-years-old, he wanted to live in the most populated city in the United States.  This is why when it came to picking colleges it was a no brainer to go to New York University (NYU).  Growing up in the suburbs on the west side of Cleveland offered little to no exposure to the liberal viewpoint.  He had met one liberal at the Jesuit High School he went to and remembered it very odd that this kid had an extremely high GPA but seemed to lack common sense.  How can anyone really believe that big government was a good thing?  It didn’t take long during his tenure at NYU to find out just how far this liberalism goes.  This culminated when he was at a bar drinking.  Truth be told, he was 18 but he had a fake ID.  He was wearing a Bush pin because he was running against John Kerry that year.  A girl walked up to him, ripped the pin off his chest and threw it across the bar.  Nouno being very old fashioned and taught never to hit a girl did nothing.  He did stare at the pitcher of beer just handed to him, looked down at the pitcher and at the girl and had an idea to ruin her night without actually striking her with a solid object.  He refrained.  Something he would regret for going on 15 years at this point.  This moment, however, radicalized him and he was shoved further to the right than he ever thought possible. 

Nouno kept in contact with some of his high school friends.  One of them had become his best friend now and they made a pact to go on an annual trip together.  The trip they would take had a vacation of two extremes; they would go hiking in a national park and then end with a couple of nights in Vegas as they enjoyed gambling and the outdoors.  Nouno’s friend didn’t label himself as on the right or the left.  His take was that he takes every issue and thinks about it rationally and then forms an opinion.  As Nouno went through each of the main issues, he would point out that this strategy led him on the right of every issue except smoking weed.  While Nouno was hiking in the southwest he would always marvel how it was possible this was the same country as New York City and Las Vegas.  Theo travelled the world but he never did understand why Americans had been to Madrid, Paris, London and Rome but never to Washington DC.  He loved exploring his own country just as much as he liked seeing the world and at 39 countries, he had done a fair share of that by any standard.  On this trip, Nouno and his friend were driving to the north end of the Grand Canyon.  For those of you unfamiliar, this is the side with a much higher elevation, much greener and much less travelled to because it is not nearly as scenic as the southern end, which is nearer to Las Vegas.  While driving, Nouno and his friend were shocked by all the fallen and bare trees.  Miles upon miles of fire damaged trees.  Nouno had debated environmentalist all the time and would point out that in this area of the country, the trees have adapted to frequent forests fires that they won’t release seeds until they’re on fire.  Sometimes park rangers have to start small fires in order for the trees to spread their seeds.  Looking at this carnage, however, it was hard to regurgitate this fact.  Something had to be wrong.  When they got to the Grand Canyon and picked up a map, they found on the map a section entitled, “Why all the bare trees?”

Apparently this was a normal event.  It would have to be if it was even on the map.  With that, Nouno put the thought out of his head and enjoyed his hiking.  Unlike the normal annual trips, Nouno would not be going back with his friend.  A girl that went to his church growing up had moved to Arizona and since he was in Arizona decided to extend his trip to go visit her.  Steffi, Nouno’s friend, was a few years younger than Theo but she had two kids.  One was of high school age and attended a suburban school in Gilbert, AZ. 

Nouno had gotten there at a good time because today was “USA Day” at school and Steffi’s son was dressed in a Make America Great Again (MAGA) hat and wearing an American flag as a cape.  The MAGA was a testament to the current president, Donald Trump.  Nouno at first was skeptical of Trump.  He had always been an establishment Republican thinking that he was held to a higher standard.  It was liberals that needed the bumper stickers and slogans.  Liberals can’t even give their heroes respect.  It was all acronyms: JFK, FDR, RFK etc.  Have you ever heard a conservative get excited about RWR (Ronald Reagan)?  No, because they have longer attention spans and they have enough respect to say the full name.  After the success of Donald Trump in the two years in office, Nouno was converted.  Conservatives needed a marketer because their holier-than-thou attitude was being met by persecution and discrimination.  Even when a Republican was president they would always cower to the media that recently made the word “Binder” a chauvinistic term.  These people were sick and someone needed to stand up to them.  They needed a fighter and President Trump was willing to lead the charge.  Nouno was a little predisposed to this.  At NYU, when he debated liberals, he resorted to name calling, just like they did with him.  It would always shock them so much they ran away because they were so used to conservatives trying to take the high road so they went to the gutter and ruthlessly attacked their looks, their intelligence, and anything but the actual topic of discussion.  When Nouno encountered someone like this, he just got right down in the gutter with them and watched them run.  It was entertaining. 

                He said to Steffi’s son, “Good job kid.  We need young people to start standing up for traditional values.  I know you just met me, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

                “Thanks Mr. Rozy.”

                Although Nouno had been an adult for quite some time, the ‘Mr.” always threw him off.  He didn’t think of himself as a “Mr.” just Nouno.  He did believe that it was good for kids to have respect so he never corrected them.  If they were raised to call their elders ‘mister’ then he would put up with it.  He spent the day with Steffi and then she got a phone call.  It was from one of the other mothers at school.  Steffi was informed that the boys at school were banned from having American flags and MAGA hats because some people deemed it offensive.  After a brief conversation, Steffi turned to Nouno and said, “Nouno, I’m sorry but….”

                Nouno had heard the gist of the conversation.  He knew what had happened so he cut her off, “Oh, I’m coming with you.  I really hope you’re going to raise some hell for this.”

                “Someone messed with my kid? Have you even seen a mother with someone that just messed with their kid?”

                “Have you seen me when someone messes with my country?”

                “Oh, it’s on, we’ll see who creates the biggest scene.”

                “Bring it!”

                They both laughed and got into Steffi’s car and rushed to the school.  Nouno plugged in his phone and played “Real American” which was Hulk Hogan’s theme song from WWE as they approached.  Coming on to campus all you heard from the rolled down windows was, “I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man.”

                Steffi and Nouno parked the car and stormed out.  Nouno wished that this was the early 90s because then he would have had a boom box handy and could actually walk into the school still blasting the song.  The phone just wouldn’t be the same.  When they got there, they weren’t alone.  It was a 2019 confrontation.  Not with boom boxes from ‘Do the Right Thing’ by Spike Lee but with phones broadcasting to the world.  Maybe, the new generation wasn’t so bad.  Steffi and Nouno just joined in with the screaming as the principal stuttered and tried to deflect.  Nouno yelled out, “Somebody got offended?  Why is their being offended trump our being offended?  What is wrong with you, you libelous, scandalous, treasonous, treacherous, scared of the real world so have to brainwash impressionable kids piece of monkey trash?”

                Nouno had given this speech so many times.  It was always bad when the person he was talking to was black because they thought, ‘Monkey trash’ was referencing their being black.  In reality, it was referencing a black man, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as he would say this all the time during his promos to other wrestlers.  In case you couldn’t tell by now, Nouno was a big fan of professional wrestling.  Luckily, the principal was white, so no race baiting tonight.  On cue, the principal’s jaw dropped.  Nouno listened in as one women talked about how a woman grabbed the MAGA hat off her son’s head and stole his flag. 

                Nouno turned to the mother and said, “Do we know this woman’s name”

                “My son sent me the video”

                “Call the cops. That’s burglary and assault.  It’s possibly battery too if she made contact.”

                “That’s actually a good idea.”

                The principal finally found his words, “That may not be a good idea.  You have to understand, that woman is poor and an immigrant in this country trying to make ends meet.  It’s hard to come somewhere you’re not welcome”

                “Oh really?  So when the Irish came here with signs saying, ‘No Irish need apply’ and the Italians came here and the Irish gangs attacked them for trying to take their jobs.  Were they welcomed with open arms?  Did they bitch for the locals to cater to them?  No, they did the shit jobs that nobody else wanted to do and worked their way up from the bottom with no assistance, no quotas, no affirmative action and they assimilated.  That is what real immigrants do.  Now, however, we know that you know exactly who this woman is.  You allowed her on this campus.  You allowed her to harass the students.  Therefore, you made your school an unsafe environment for children.  Now, all these people here can sue you for child endangerment.  If you want to avoid that, give me this woman’s name now!”

                All the parents stared at the principal and the mother of the assaulted person said, “I’m going to count to three, then I’m calling my lawyer.  1-2……”

                “Rosy Ann Santos.”        

                “Thank You”

                The mother left and called the police department to file a report.  With the video and the name, it didn’t take long for them to find her.  It turns out she was in the country illegally and they had referred the case to ICE and a deportation court. 

 

                Back in the White House, President Trump was being briefed by one of his staffers about what was going on in Gilbert.  He made a note to call the students that had things stolen from them and thank them for standing up for him.  It was little known that President Trump did this a lot. Just last week he had brought up a student at UC Berkeley that was punched in the face by a liberal named Zachery Greenberg.  Trump praised the student for taking the punch like a man and not going down.  He donated some of his time for the student to speak and then gave the student a hug.  How many college students can say they hugged the President of the United States for taking a punch?  It was truly a great day to be an American.  A few days later, each persecuted student got a call.  President Trump, just like almost all the times before, didn’t call a press conference he was doing it, didn’t tweet that he had done it; said nothing.  He just did it with no fanfare because that was his way.  He wasn’t doing it for the politics; he was doing it because it was the right thing to do.  As a group, he did praise them on twitter but didn’t say how he reached out.  Another staffer came in and said, “Sir, you may want to see this?”

                Trump nodded his head.  He was used to being attacked and looked up to see what was going on now.  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was talking about how since they couldn’t find collusion, she wanted to investigate Donald Trump’s financial records, business dealings and tax returns.  Trump chuckled, he said, “Well, that is what they said they’d do if they won the house.  Here we go.”

 

                Steffi and Nouno were watching the same press conference as President Trump.  Steffi said, “Do you believe this woman?”

                “Yea, the worst part is, I work with people in her district.  Every time she speaks I make fun of them for voting for her.”

                “What do they say?”

                “They say that the guy she beat, Crowley, didn’t do anything.  They had never seen him; he just sat around doing nothing and collecting his government check.  This woman came, was visual.  They, however, say they didn’t vote for her, they just stayed home.  I have a feeling they’re lying but who knows?”

                “Well, they better vote against her next time.”

                “A lot of New Yorkers are infuriated about Amazon.  Don’t listen to the news.  There was even a billboard in Times Square mocking her.  They are not happy.”

                “Well, if Trump has nothing to hide, then why should he care?”

                “Because this is America.  In this country, we don’t investigate people, we investigate crimes.  The crimes lead to the people not the other way around.  Investigating people for crimes is Stalinist Russia, which only led to the execution of 20 million people.  Notice how she said she just wants to see them; she isn’t alleging a crime was committed.”

                Steffi opened her mouth and then shut it.  She had nothing to say.  She then said, “I wonder what dirty secrets are in her closet?”

                “Well, there are non-government oversight committees over congress.  One of them found that her chief of staff Saikat Chakrabarti may have embezzled over $ 800,000 from the campaign finances to private companies that he owns.”

                “Wow, and she was running around talking about how great she is because she capped her senior staff salary at $80,000.”

                “Which, coincidentally, is just under the minimum amount to make before you have to make your outside income like gifts and stock wagers public.”

                Steffi smiled, “Yea, real coincidental there!” she said with obvious sarcasm in her voice.  “What is wrong with you New Yorkers anyway?  Do you like being taxed so high?  Why don’t they boo her out of the state when she talks about taxing people 70%?”

                “The funny thing is her mom moved to a small town outside of Orlando, Florida because the taxes were too high in New York”

                “Is that the SALT deduction thing?”

                “No, she moved way before the tax cuts, which was so genius by the way.  Okay, let’s tax the rich but only the rich in the states that say tax the rich but leave the rest of the country alone.  Brilliant!”

                “I don’t think he said that?”

                “Oh yea, where do you spend more than $10,000 in property tax?  How much is land in Arizona? “

                Steffi thought about it a little bit, “Well, I used to live in San Diego, so yea, New York and California are like the only affected places.  So basically she’s a hypocrite?”

                Nouno just smiled.  “All liberals are.”

                “You are one strange New Yorker” she said as she shook her head. 

                “Yea, I have family in Houston, they’re all shocked at how conservative I am.  Just because I live in New York, doesn’t mean I’m a moron.  I just love travelling and JFK has direct flights to more places than most airports.  I could live in Chicago but if you look at Group-On trips, almost all of them are out of New York or LA and I hate LA”

                “What do you think of Arizona?”

                “I like it here.  It’s pretty.  I know it’s hot, but the heat never bothered me even though I sweat more than anyone on the planet.  You guys seem to be alright because during the Obama administration, you implemented the minute men.  That just shows how bad illegal immigration is here.”

                “Yea, well not here, Gilbert is like 1,500 miles from Mexico but in the southern part?  Definitely.”

                “Now that Trump is in office and you don’t have a president that’s going to infringe on state’s rights like Obama did, are you going to re-implement it.  Especially since the wall is maybe being built, I don’t know, I hear conflicting opinions.  Trump says it’s being built.  Ann Coulter says it’s not.  I just don’t know anymore.  I can’t even go to the border myself and check because there were some pre-existing walls so I won’t know what’s new and what was existing.  All I know is that the Minute Men was a good idea.”

                “You’re okay with shooting people on-site?”

                “They are invaders into our country.  Of course I am.”

                “Yea, me too.  Even here there’s talk to bring it back.  I hope they do.  You know if the environmentalists were honest they’d want to Minute Men too.” 

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well, illegal Immigrants are the primary cause of fires in the national park.  Ironically, Teddy Roosevelt, the man who started the National Park system is also the guy that helped destroy it with his immigration bill.”

                “I’m going to need a little more.”

                “Have you ever been outside the resorts in Mexico?”

                “No, just the Club Med’s and stuff but I hear that Mexico City is one of the most polluted cities in the world.”

                “Yea, it is because the culture is basically to just throw your trash on the ground.  Nobody throws stuff away in street trash cans like New York or San Diego, they just throw it on the ground.  The streets are littered with trash that you can barely see pavement.  That’s just how the culture is and then they come in and do it in our national parks.  National Parks have to constantly rope off areas because of the damage they cause but nobody says anything because they’ll be labeled ‘Xeonophobic.’”

                “Well, I just came from the Grand Canyon and they said that the fires were cyclical and happen all the time.  It was even on the map.”

                “Yea, and have you been anywhere else”

                “Yea, Zion, Bryce, Red Rock, Death Valley, Sedona.”

                “Those are all desert, Bryce is high elevation.  Isn’t it interesting that the further you get from the border, the less fires you see?”

                “You know, I wouldn’t put it passed the government to lie on their map to cover up for illegals.  They cover for them everywhere else.  I mean Minnesota is basically free range for Somali’s to rape Americans.  Did anyone try to speak out?”

                “Yea, in 2011 there were a bunch of fires that burned half a million acres of land.  McCain said, ‘There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally.  The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border.’  Then the media got involved, racist this, xenophobe that, nobody cared that five months later, the Government Accountability Office released a report that most of them were caused by illegal aliens.  What they did was they’d set off fireworks, ATV malfunctions, welding machines, and recreational shooting and they don’t know what they’re doing so they cause fires.  Then you get TV having Smokey the bear blaming campers when it’s never campers, it’s illegals.”

                “Now I want to join the Minute Men”

                “Yea, we should tell that to Cortez, instead of killing farting cows, kill the people that destroy half a million acres in like a month.”

                “So, why don’t you?”

                “Well, my boyfriend is still in San Diego, I’m here alone most of them time.  I’m worried about myself and my kids.  I have a gun but what if I can’t get to it?  I set up a voice activated walkie talkie with my neighbor.  He was special forces, got one of the guns that look at heat signatures so he can distinguish between me and someone attacking me.  I think about martial arts but who has time for that?”

                “There’s an Aesop fable where a fox approaches a bird and the fox asks the bird, ‘if a lion comes how many ways do you know how to escape?’ to which the bird replies, ‘one, I fly away’ the fox laughs and says, ‘I know over 100 ways to avoid a lion, what are you going to do if flying doesn’t work?’ the bird gets self-conscious and says ‘gee, I don’t know.’ The Fox smiles because he feels he’s won.  A lion then shows up and the bird immediately flies away and as the fox is trying to decide which of the 100 ways to utilize, the lion eats him.”

                “Okay, what’s your point?”

                “Don’t learn all these MMA martial arts with their forms and shit, learn how to escape the two most common predicaments.  If someone gets you into another one then that sucks but it’s better than nothing.”

                “Okay, so what are the most common ones?”

                Nouno grabbed Steffi and turned her around.  Before she knew what was going on, Nouno had a three inch blade he always carried with a spring assist against her neck.  His other arm was wrapped around her waist holding her against him.  With his mouth next to her ear, he said, “This is the first.”

                Steffi’s body tensed.  Although she had grown up with Nouno and knew he wasn’t violent towards women, she was still terrified.  She stopped breathing and then heard him say, “First step, breathe”

                Steffi took a deep breath and relaxed but only because she knew him.  She said, “Can we do this without the knife.”

                “No, that’s the whole point.  It needs to be as real as possible so if you’re ever in the real situation, you won’t freeze.  If I use a stick and someone uses a knife, you may think, ‘oh shit, this time it’s real.  Practice with what will be used.”

                “Okay, I’m listening”

                “Right, and if I were a stranger, you’d probably do anything I told you to right?”

                “Yup”

                “Well, that’s not going to change now except what I tell you is something you actually are going to want to do.  First step is to always assess what are your advantages and disadvantages.  So the easy one; in this fight, where do I have the advantage?”

                “You have a knife”

                “Is that it?”

                “You’re bigger than me”

                “And stronger.  I’m 6’0” 215lbs, you’re like 5’5” and 100 pounds”

                “I’m a little more than that”

                “Yea, but I’m not about to guess you’re weight.  You’re skinny, leave it at that.”

“Thanks”

                “What else?”

                “Isn’t that enough?”

                “Yes, it would be, but I’m also behind you and the human joints are better designed to go forward than back.  Not to mention I can see you better than you can see me”

                “This is really making me feel better” she said sarcastically

                “I can tell, originally you were terrified, now you’re joking with me and a knife is still at your neck.”

                “Yea, don’t worry I noticed”

                “But you’re not letting the fear stop you, so where do you have the advantage.”

                “I have no idea.”

                “Well, it’s a little tricky but basically you’re going to turn your disadvantages into strengths.  You’re a woman.  Women and men are biologically different despite what they tell you in the media.”

                “Oh don’t worry, I know.”

                “One difference not well known is women have a lower center of gravity, so you have better balance than me and the closer this confrontation gets to the ground, the more you have the advantage.”

                “Okay”

                “Also, you mention the knife I brought.  Given all my other advantages, it seems I didn’t really need it, however, it’s not attached to me so if you got it, you have that advantage right?”

                “Yes”

                “Now, you said I’m bigger than you and made it seem like that was a strength of mine.”

                “Cause it is”

                “Yet, when I first grabbed you, you grabbed my arm and tried to pull my arm away from your neck.  Given that you knew how much stronger I was, why did you try that?”

                “Instinct”

                “Right and my instinct was to pull my arm toward your neck with equal force so it wouldn’t move.”

                “Yea, and you were successful.”

                “So instead of trying to move my arm, move your body, do you think I can support your weight?”

                “Yes, quite easily”

                “so lean back and take the weight off your legs.  When you grab my arm, hold yourself up to balance.” Steffi did so, “Now, since my right hand is around your throat, swing your left leg around my left leg and duck under my arm.  Don’t let go of my arm and see what happens.”

                Steffi did so and heard a clang as the knife dropped on the floor and now Nouno’s right arm was against his chest as Steffi held it from behind him.”

                “Good job”

                “Oh come on,” Steffi said as she pushed him and Nouno turned around.  You can’t say it’s that easy.  You dropped the knife.”

                “I dropped the knife because I knew what would happen.  If this was real, you’re right, I wouldn’t have dropped the knife but did you see where my knife hand ended up?”

                Steffi thought back and then her face lit up, “Against your chest.”

                “Right, so if I still had the knife?”

                “I would have stabbed you in the heart.”

                “Well, technically I would have stabbed myself in the heart because, like I said, I was pulling towards me thinking that when you grabbed my arm you would pull my arm away.  Instead, you also pulled towards me so we both pulled in the same direction, meaning, I helped you stab me.  Also, it’s hard to hit the heart, probably the ribs, that’s why they’re there”

                “I like that.”

                “Yea, I thought you would” he said with a smile.  

                They practiced several more times until it was second nature for Steffi.  They enjoyed the rest of the weekend and Nouno went back to New York.  It didn’t take long before the taxes in New York got to Nouno.  It happened right around the same time that Steffi broke up with her boyfriend.  Nouno moved to Arizona and was now living with Steffi and they were dating.  Arizona did start the Minute Men to supplement ICE and Nouno started a neighborhood program with farmers to covertly alert his group if cartels threatened them to grow drugs on their property.  They had been known to be ruthless to people who said no, raping their wives and daughters and hanging them.  It was time to fight back though and Arizonans were very well equipped to do so.  It was so successful that Nouno was known amongst the cartels and had a price on his head.

                One day Steffi was looking at her phone and saw something about Johnathan Weiner.  She said, “Why does that name sound familiar?”

                Nouno said, “He’s the guy that had all this child pornography on his computer.  He was running for mayor of New York or some position like that it derailed his campaign but they found a lot of stuff about Hillary and that’s how they found out about her sending classified information on a private server.”

                “Did he know Hillary?”

                “He knew both Clinton’s very well.  In fact, when Hillary Clinton laundered anti-Trump information into the FBI and department of Justice, he was the one that told the DOJ for Hillary to make it seem like it was coming from different sources.”

                “Wait wait, back up, what?”

                “Hillary Clinton and the DNC paid 1 million dollars to a law firm named Perkins Coie to pay a company called Fusion GPS to dig up dirt on Donald Trump.  Perkins Coie used the money to pay a guy named Glenn Simpson who works for Fusion GPS.  Simpson called his friend Christopher Steele who was an MI6 agent.”

                Steffi interrupted, “MI6? like James Bond?”

                “Yes, he’s a British spy.  So Simpson and Steele put together a dossier that’s been debunked.  It was all paid for by Hillary Clinton and the DNC.  They had to make it seem like it was reliable so that the DOJ and FBI wouldn’t bother verifying it through the normal methods.”

                “Being what?”

                “It’s called the Woods procedure, it goes through the CIA/FBI here and then to the equivalent agencies in England, Canada, Australia and New Zealand, or the ‘five eyes.’ That way nuclear war isn’t waged over a rumor.

                “But that wasn’t done?”

                “No, because Hillary Clinton, Glenn Simpson and Christopher Steele had multiple people deliver the information to various media outlets and, this is where Weiner comes in, the upper levels of the State Department and the FBI so the fake data could be used to get a FISA warrant on the Trump campaign”

                “FISA warrant?”

                “Basically the most invasive way to spy on someone.  Should be taken seriously since they don’t know they’re being spied on so they have no way to defend themselves.”

                “What happened to due process?”

                “Doesn’t exist with Democrats and Hillary owns the DOJ and FBI”

                “Ah”

                “So Weiner got another dossier from a guy named Cody Shearer, who got his information from Christopher Steele and Weiner brought that to the higher ups at the FBI and DOJ”

                “That’s the mosaic of information they talk about?”

                “Yup, all from the same guy”

                “So one liar caused the biggest spying expedition in history and against a US President.”

                “Yup, and Weiner was his ‘owl’ to borrow from Harry Potter”

                “Why would Weiner help Clinton?  How do they know each other?”

                “Do you remember Benghazi?”

                “Yea, we get Texans that come here a lot.  They all compare it to the Alamo.  At the Alamo they asked the government for help, and the government refused and they all died.  In Benghazi, they asked for help and Hillary Clinton said no.  They’re all pissed that the movie didn’t mention it was Hillary Clinton that said no.”

                “Weiner was working at the state department while that was happening and he was in charge of Libya and Benghazi.  Victoria Nuland, who also pops up every now and then with the collusion narrative, wrote the talking points and spin to make it seem like an attack on September 11 had nothing to do with 9/11 but a video being made.  Weiner and Hillary were mostly responsible for the debacle in Benghazi that destroyed our embassy and got Americans killed.  Their shared guilt and cover up is what interconnects and binds them.  It goes even further; do you know where Weiner works now?”

                “He got a job even though he’s a convicted pedophile?”

                “Yup at APCO Worldwide”

                “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

                “APCO Worldwide is a lobbying firm that was instrumental in the purchase of Uranium by the Iranians that ended up being tied to the Russians.”

                “Oh yea, the Uranium One scandal with Obama and Hillary”

                “Weiner works for them and helped them out on that one.  Also ABCO Worldwide does Pro-Bono work for Clinton”

                “Damn, two scandals, and Weiner and Hillary all over it.  Pro-Bono my ass by the way, I’m sure there’s some quid pro quo on that”

                “Hopefully Mueller, the media and Democratic cover up fail and we’ll have three scandals, the third being the entrapment, framing and using false pretenses to spy on an American President.  And yea, there definitely is quid pro quo”

                “You know, your group kills cartels and illegal intruders into our country.  Do you think that maybe we should go after domestic terrorists like Hillary and Weiner too?”

                “I’m not a mastermind.  The secret service is very good.  I can’t beat them.”

                “Pity”

                “Yea”

 

 

Nouno got an SOS from a farmer and headed out armed to the nines.  He had only shot a hand gun once before getting to Arizona, now he was proficient with multiple hand guns but preferred his Glock 43.   When he arrived on scene, he was surprised to find no resistance.  A man with gold teeth stood at the end of the driveway with his hands up almost waiting for him.  There were many men on the scene.  Usually there’s a lot more cartel members with guns for intimidation.  The response time was quick as it had to be given the gravity of the situation.  This time, though, it was just one man.  He said, “Which one of you is Nouno?”

                “Nouno raised his hand and said, “I am”

                “Come inside, let’s have a chat”

                “Where is the owner of the house?”

                “Inside as well”

                Nouno walked in to find a man looking despondent.  He said, “Did they hurt you? What happened?”

                “No, they didn’t threaten me, they just told me to call you.”

                Nouno was unnerved by this.  The cartels weren’t supposed to know that farmers were calling them.  I guess they had to figure it out sooner or later.  He sat at the table and the cartel owner said, “Now, I want to make a deal with you.”

                “I’m not interested”

                “Oh I think you will be.” Nouno rolled his eyes, the cartel man said, “Why do you hate Mexicans so much.”

                “I don’t, I hate invaders.  The ones that come in legitimately and actually work and assimilate are fine the ones like you trying to sell drugs and rape women, I kill.”

                “Ah yes, everyone crossing illegally is a rapist.”

                “No, but the rapist and drug dealers use innocents as human shields.  For too long we had asylum seekers and pregnant women who want to have anchor babies to bring their family, the men of which are used to a culture of rape into our country to rape our women.”

                “Is that all?”

                “No, this whole thing started because you guys burn and destroy our national parks and I like hiking”

                “You should try hiking the Rio Grande”

                “Nah, that’s okay.  You guys are in charge of the trails.  I like the trails overseen by Americans”

                “Oh so you like the government?”

                “Only slightly more than drug cartels, not exactly a ringing endorsement”

                “I’ll give you five million dollars to stop your little possy, remember the ICE agents and US government doesn’t have enough fire power to match us so what makes you think you do?”

                “The fact that you just made that offer.”

                “You may have a point or I don’t want to slaughter all of you, too messy.”

                “Nope, that’s not it”

                “No, it’s not, how about seven million?”

                To the cartel owner’s surprise, Nouno switched to Spanish. He was fluent having multiple Dominican friends back in New York.  He said, “I’m a rich kid whose entire family was torn apart fighting over money.  I can’t be bought.  Money doesn’t mean as much to me as it does most people.  I certainly wouldn’t sell out my morality for it”

                The catel man also switched to Spanish, “You speak Spanish, well, this is your Last chance. Do you not want your men to know you’re giving in? That’s why it’s in Spanish?”

                Nouno changed back to English “Nope, and I really hope that was the last chance because I’m getting sick of this conversation.  I really want to just shoot you in the fucking head”

                “Okay, you leave me no choice.”  The cartel member pulled out his phone and turned the screen to him.  What he saw was a shaky camera, Steffi screaming, and then it focused with a man holding a machete to Steffi’s throat.  The phone was placed down and a second man approached Steffi and stroked her cheek.  He turned to the camera with a smile and said, “You got a pretty wife.”

                Nouno stared up from the screen and looked at the cartel man who was smiling back.  He said, So, how did you find out where I lived?”

                “Does it matter?”

                “Yes”

                “No, what matters is, my men are going to rape your wife and then cut off her fucking head and post it on a stick in front of your house.” Nouno nodded, the drug dealer continued, “You will disband your little group.  Americans want to get high.  You will leave us the fuck alone.”

                “Why would I do that after you rape and murder my wife?”

                “You lost everything because you defended some peasant farmers”

                “So if I lose everything, I stop or because I no longer have anything to lose, I keep going?”

                The cartel member seemed to ponder this for a second.  Suddenly there was a low pitch scream from the phone, “Puta” which means “whore “ in Spanish.  The cartel member looked down and his eyes widened.

 

                Despite all the practice, it was different when the guy grabbing you from behind is not someone you trust.  This was added to the fact that a machete was much bigger than Nouno’s knife.  Steffi focused on her breathing but it was hard with the other man taunting her about what he was going to do to her.  She finally was able to focus and pulled herself on the man’s arm, leaned back, swung her leg around his and ducked under his arm causing the machete to lunge into the guy’s chest.  She heard gurgling as he fought for life.  That is when the other man called her a ‘Puta’ and threw her on the bed with ease.  She told herself she should have kept the machete but that’s a moot point now.  The man had mounted her and had torn her shirt open.  Steffi took a deep breath and lied back.  The man wasn’t paying attention to random words she was blurting out.  She called out, “Be strong Nouno, I’ll be okay” and raised her left leg up to the man’s shoulder.  The rapist brought his hand around her leg on the outside from her ankle up her shin and thigh pushing up her shorts and grabbing her butt.   Steffi used the foot of her leg not over the man’s shoulder to put against the rapist’s pelvis.  She kicked against his waist and turned her body towards her leg as both her arms shot across her body slapping the hand not on her butt to the other side of her torso.  She sat up a little bit and tucked the arm into her armpit squeezing her arm against it.  She raised her leg that had pushed against his pelvis over his other shoulder and interlocked her ankles.  She then flexed her feet grabbed the back of his head in both her hands and pulled down while leaning back.  This was the other move that Nouno had taught her.  It was called a triangle choke.  She was choking him with his own arm.  She took a deep breath, Nouno told him what to expect and it was annoying.  A man much bigger than her would struggle, realize it was fruitless and then resort to pinching her leg like a coward.  The nagging pain was supposed to make her release the grip and let him rape her.  She wondered that if they hadn’t practiced so much to make her used to the nagging slight pinch if she actually would have.  The rapist as predicted bent his legs under him and tried to lift Steffi up.  She may have not weighed much but if you can’t breathe, lifting even 100 pounds, which she wasn’t, is not advisable.  Sure enough, he got her up a couple inches before his whole body came crashing down and went limp.  That’s when the pinching started.  After a little while, with sweat beading down her face down to soak the attempted rapists’ hair, the pinching stopped and his body really went limp.  Steffi took a deep breath; she looked at her watch and waited for the minute hand to change.  This was to make sure he wasn’t faking.  It changed and Steffi stopped flexing her legs and loosened the grip but not the position.  If he was awake, this is when he would gasp for air and make a last ditch effort, in which, she merely has to flex her feet again.  There was nothing, he was unconscious.  Steffi moved her legs to the side and he rolled off her onto his back.  She walked over to the first man she killed and pulled out the machete.  She turned toward the man on the bed and swung the machete down onto his throat as blood sprayed out.  She smiled and looked at the camera.

                As the whole scene was transpiring, the drug dealer with Nouno was staring dumbfounded at the camera.  He couldn’t even focus on when Steffi was thrown on the bed because he was staring at one of his men with a machete in his chest wondering how it happened.  He then composed himself and said, “Good thing I sent two.”

                Nouno just smiled at him and indicated to keep watching.  Truth be told, he didn’t know if his teaching would work but he was really expecting the neighbor with the cool heat signature gun to shoot him.  He saw Steffi lock in the choke and he beamed with joy.  He was so proud of her.  When the drug dealer realized what was going on, he grabbed the phone and screamed at it looking back and forth at Nouno and the phone.  When the machete came crashing down on his thug’s throat, Nouno pursed his lips and turned his head to side.  He said, “How embarrassing that two of your men, one armed with a machete, got beaten by a little gringa”

                “Fuck you Bendejo”

                While the drug dealer was watching his men get killed, Nouno had his glock on the table.  Turns out “Bendejo” was the last thing that the drug deal would say as a bullet entered his skull.  The gun came crashing to the table because Nouno got a little overzealous and held it with one hand like in the movies.  His men would rib him about that one.  Had the desired effect though.  He looked at the phone to see his smiling girlfriend.  He hadn’t proposed yet contrary to what the drug dealers thought.  She said, “See you at home honey.”

                “Be there soon Babe” as he turned off the phone

                Nouno walked out of the house and got into his car.  His men went home too until they’d be called again.  Nouno picked up his phone and called his neighbor.  His neighbor responded cheerily, “Good day”

                “Where the fuck were you?”

                “Standing with my gun outside my open window with my eye on the scope ready for the signal to fire.”

                “He mounted her.”

                “The deal was to wait two minutes, if no safety word muttered then fire or wait for the safety word to fire, neither happened.”

                “She was calling you off?”

                “Yea, wait, she didn’t tell you that?”

                “I’m on the way home now”

                “So how do you know what happened?”

                “The fucker facetimed me during it.”

                “So didn’t you hear her give me the safety words just like I did?”

                “I wasn’t really focused on that.”

                “Well, ask her then”

                “No, I’m replaying it in my head, I know you’re right, I was just worried that’s all.”

                “Well you got a mighty strong woman there and you prepared her for this well.”

                “Yes, I did.  Thanks for backing her up in case it was too much”

                “No problem”

                “Sorry, I yelled at you.”

                “I probably would’ve done the same thing in your situation.”

                “Thanks for understanding”

                “Of course.”

                “See you soon.”

                “Alright, not too soon I hope.  You got to see your wife first.”

                ‘Yea, definitely, Take care”

                “Good bye”

                Nouno ended the call.  When he got home Steffi ran up to him and jumped into his arms wrapping her arms and legs around him.  He held her tight and said, “Why didn’t you get the guns before they came in?”

                “I didn’t hear them.”

                “Alright, it’s okay, you did great.”

                “Yea, I called the cops.  They’re coming to clean them up.  The boys will be home from school soon.”

                “I know, I know everything’s fine.”

                By the time the cops came and filled out the report the kids were back from school.  When everyone went to bed, Nouno and Steffi went upstairs to their room.  They put on a strong front for the kids but today was a close call.  They hugged each other again and Steffi kissed Nouno’s neck.  He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him.  She moved her mouth to his and he brought his top lip over hers as their mouths pursed and they protruded their tongues out intersecting each other.  Nouno walked to the bed and shoved Steffi off him onto her back on the bed.  She smiled and spread her legs looking at him seductively as she stripped himself.  Nouno undid Steffi’s shorts and yanked the two ends apart snapping the zipper down.  He pulled them off with her panties and slid them over her feet and tossed them to the side.  He said, “You know, I’m going to have to get you back for acting all heroic instead of just letting our neighbor shoot him”

                “Oh, I can’t wait” she said with obvious seduction in her voice. 

                They made intimate passionate love until Nouno finished.  He rolled off her panting on his back.  Steffi said, “You used to work in Accounting, why does the government ever cut taxes?  Why would they take a pay cut?  Is it just so people will vote but doesn’t that hurt the country?”

                “No, tax cuts help everyone.  It’s what we call in economics, a Pareto Improvement in that everyone wins and nobody loses.”

                “How so? The only way the government makes money is through taxes”

                “The government makes money by taxing economic activity.  Lowering taxes increases economic activity, given more things for the government to tax thus they get more money and workers are more incentivized to produce more economic activity so they get to keep more of their own money.”

                “Are there real world examples?”

                “How about the last two presidents?”

                “That’s a good start, modern history excites me.”

                “Obama had a tax hike in 2013”

                “And he said they expected $650 Billion over the next 10 years and even the CBO estimated the average growth to be 3.7%”

                “Good memory”

                “Not really, the news talks about it as to why Trump isn’t shit because the economy was trending there anyway”

                “I guess the news failed to mention how on pace we were in 2016 before Trump took office”

                “Yea, left that part out.”

                “Well, that makes sense because the revenue was 40% off the predicted 10 year pace.  In fact, the new projections were in 10 years we’d have 3.1 Trillion dollars less than we did before the tax hikes. “

                “That’s a pretty big difference”

                “Yea, and the CBO cut the growth rate by $ 524 Billion.  Think about it logically, if you reverse all the things the previous administration did, why would the track keep the same way?”

                “Yea that doesn’t make sense.  Well the news says it’s because it takes years for the policy to show up in the economy”

                “Why does it only take years for Republicans but not Democrats?”

                “Yea funny how that works”

                “So, just tax all the millionaires”

                “They tried that in Maryland.  All the millionaires left to Pennsylvania and Virginia and they had to get rid of it and beg them to come back.  The policy lost twice as much as it was expected to make.”

                “So why do they keep trying?”

                “It’s how Democrats work, oh it’s failed every time but I can do it better.  They’re arrogant pieces of shit.”

                “If it’s a Pareto Improvement, then why don’t Democrats like it?”

                “Democrats love power not money.  Look, the richest people are all Democrats so when they say they’re in it for the little guy they’re lying.  George Soros, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, all liberal, all billionaires.  There’s no power in yes.”

                “Okay, so 2016 everything going down, what happened after Trump cut taxes?”

                “After a family of four was losing about $5,000 per househol, they were now adding an additional $ 4,470/household.”

                “Let’s compare apples to apple, what’s the projected growth rate now after it was decreased 534 Billion?”

                “Up 1.2 Trillion in the next 10 years.”

                “So it basically reversed course”

                “Yup”

                “So raise taxes, make more money, lower lose money.”

                “Generally speaking yes, there’s a Laffer curve.”

                “What’s that?”

                “It looks like a mole hill.  Think about it, if you have no tax, you make no money.  There may be a lot of economic output but 0 times anything is still 0.  Whereas if you have 100% taxes, there’s no economic activity and again 0 times anything equals 0.  So the curve rises from 0 and then drops back to 0 as it gets to 100”

                “So what’s the top of the hill?”

                “Usually 18-20% of GDP”

                “And this is widely known”

                “Yup but different ‘economists’ disagree and they always go back to higher taxes even though it’s never worked because they think they can succeed where everyone failed.”

                “You’re such a dork that your pillow talk is taxes.”

                “I think you brought it up”

                Steffi smiled and kissed him on the lips and turned her back to him.  He wrapped his arm around her torso and rested it on her stomach.  He then slid his other arm under her neck as an extension of the pillow and they both fell asleep shortly thereafter.  Nouno continued working from home and maintaining the force to protect Arizona farmers.  Sometimes he went down to the border to help the Minute Men division.  Illegal Immigration through Arizona plummeted and started increasing in New Mexico, where they are now debating if they should implement a minute men of their own.  Unlike the first time Arizona tried it, despite pressure from the media and Democrats, Trump recognized Arizona’s right to make their own law regarding their border.  Since he had replaced so many judges with conservative ones, the liberal couldn’t win in the courts anymore and the courts upheld the decision to not impede on Arizona’s state right.