Fanis the Bodyguard Episode 18 Arguing in Paradise

                Kera is an international Chinese art dealer who has climbed the ranks of the rare artifact market.  A little known fact is that just how Asians are seen as exotic and intelligent in America, Americans are seen as intelligent and are favored over Chinese people for jobs in China.  This aided but is not the reason for Kera’s success.  Like any successful person, it is due to hard work and perseverance.  Unfortunately, this hard work had made her alienate a lot of her friends and family and as she got more successful, her enemies grew.  When you have trouble trusting people and you are constantly dealing with extremely wealthy people who have the means to harm you if they want, trust is something much needed.  Kera could only think of one person that would drop his life for her and would never turn on her regardless of the price tag.  That was her cousin Fanis. 

                Kera paid for Fanis’ intense militaristic martial arts and lethal weapons training so he could protect her.  One of the only things that Fanis asked was to never be told the dark side of the business of international art dealing.  Basically, he never wanted to know why someone in her profession needs a bodyguard.  Although Fanis technically worked for Kera, they joked around a lot.  They lived together in London and when they were at home and not at work, they were right back to being cousins and friends.  To be honest, even on business they still acted that way but Fanis was always trying to focus on any threats so needed to be on guard.  Kera walked into the living room where Fanis was watching TV with a big smile on her face.  Fanis noticed and asked, “Why are you so happy?”

                “Many colleges have decided to take down their walls of honors of Nobel Prize winners and successful people.”

                “Why?”

                “Because they’re mostly white men and they don’t want to be racist and sexist.”

                “That’s fucking retarded.  This is why I’m beginning to think college is a waste of money.”

                “You don’t think women are smart?”

                “Nobody is saying that. They’re just saying that those people accomplished something.  Those people should inspire people to be successful just like them.  That goes for men and women.  Discriminating against them for being white and male is the very definition of racism and sexism.”

                “More like reverse racism and sexism”

                “No, there’s no such thing.  Bigotry is bigotry.  If you were so gender and race blind, you wouldn’t care that they were white and male, you would judge them on the content of their character and their actions.”

                “Well, AOC came out with a video saying that young people are smarter than older people because they’re more knowledgeable and sensitive to all people.”

                “Yea, all people except whites, males and Christians.”

                “Well yea not them.”

                “So you don’t think life experience means anything?”

                “Well, I’m not going to go that far.  But you’ve talked to our grandparents.  They say insensitive shit all the time.  They’re racists.”

                “No, they’re just honest.  They don’t buy into the PC culture.  Commenting that someone you were talking to is black is not racist.  These people actually lived through real Civil Rights movements when the Republicans had to fight the Democrat Segregationists.  They lived through World War II when we were fighting real NAZI’s and Fascists.  You’re telling me that young people like ANTIFA that dress up in masks and attack innocent people and try to intimidate them to agree with them is more sensitive than older people?”

                “Yes, because they don’t use ethnic slurs”

                “No, just profanity.  This is all an attack on conservatism because we try to conserve the good ideas in history whereas liberals want to retry failed programs because they can do it right.  Conservatives learn from the past; liberals deny its existence and rewrite it.  Conservatives perpetuate the things that lead to individual liberty and prosperity.”

                “Yea, by enslaving people.”

                “Which party wants to have all black dorms?  That’s the definition of segregation”

                “Well, they choose to be there.”

                “Exactly, you brainwash black people into segregating themselves.  That’s the new strategy by the left.”

                “We’re getting off topic.  We’re talking about the different generations.”

                “No, it’s the same topic.  Look at every movie.  It’s all about how kids are smart, parents are dumb and grandparents are even dumber.  It’s all built to send the message not to listen to your parents and grandparents and replace them with the government who, they claim, is your real parent that wants what’s best for you and will take care of you.  It’s anti-family.  It’s dangerous.  I used to not think so but now I see AOC, and Rashida Talib and I see where it’s led to.  That’s why old people are smarter. They see through the bullshit that younger people can’t.  That only happens through life experience but the left wants to discount all that.”

                “I think you’re overreacting.  Anyway, pack a bag, we’re leaving.”

                “Where are we going now?”

                “San Martin”

                “Like the Caribbean island?”

                “Yup, that would be the one.” She uttered condescendingly.

                “Nice, relax on the beach.”

                “Just remember that it’s August.”

                “That’s fine, I like the heat.”

                On the plane, Fanis sparked a conversation with the person next to him.  He stuck his hand out and stated, “I’m Fanis”

                The woman next to him responded, “Angela”

                “What brings you to San Martin?”

                “What brings anyone there?  Relaxing time on the beach.”

                “Yea but people normally go during cold months and not during hurricane season.”

                “Precisely why I’m going now.  Kids are going back to school.  I don’t have to deal with families and can just relax without kids running around screaming.”

                “That’s actually a good point.”

                “You don’t sound English.”

                “Well, that’s only because I’m Greek-American.  I just live in London.”

                “Oh, so why are you going to San Martin?”

                “Business but I will be hanging out on the beach when I’m not working.”

                “What do you do?”

                “I’m a bodyguard.  You?”

                “I work in AML (Anti-Money Laundering)”

                “Ah a finance girl.  I like that.”

                Angela smiles.  “So, if you’re a bodyguard are you allowed to be into politics?”

                “Yes, because I’m not a political bodyguard.”

                “Oh well that’s good.  American or English politics?”

                “American.”

                “Do you think Trump will win re-election next year?”

                “A lot can happen in 14 months.”

                “I agree but typically the incumbent wins so I’m thinking that will happen again.”

                “Yea, an incumbent hasn’t lost since the first Bush.”

                “Why stop there?  There’s been 31 elections where an incumbent was running.  19 of them were blow outs.  In the lopsided elections, the incumbent is 15-4.”

                “Including the biggest lopsided victory when Reagan beat Mondale by winning 49 states.”

                “Yea, that’s my point.”

                “Well my point is that I think we live in a new world.  Obama and Trump makes people like non-establishment people.  The media has polarized people a lot more now.  I’m not sure if we can go by the old stats.”

                Kera, who was sitting on the other side of Fanis, snapped back, “Weren’t you just telling me earlier how you hate how people ignore the past and think they know better?”

                “I did say that but I have a strange feeling that this may be an exception.  Look at 2016; traditionally, you can figure out who’s going to vote by the people that voted in the last five elections.  In 2016, an obscene amount of unlikely voters came out for Trump.  That never happened before.  Usually likely voters voted and unlikely voters didn’t.”

                “Well, I like numbers” Angela offered.

                “I actually do too.  So fine, we’ll go with the traditional rules of elections.  There’s always three lanes and you win by owning your lane by personifying the characteristics.”

                Angela leaned towards him and pronounced, “This is interesting, I don’t know where you’re going with this.”

                “So the three lanes are the establishment lane, the radical lane and the outside lane.”

                “Alright, the last two presidents have been outsider lanes.”

                “Right, but I am saving that one for last.”

                “Fine by me.”

                “So, who’s the establishment lane?”

                “Biden”

                “Right, so the establishment pick is supposed to be safe.  You go with the devil you know.  Not very risky.”

                “With you so far”

                “Biden isn’t very safe.  He keeps making gaffes.  Forgets what state he’s in.  There’s rumors of him using his power to cover his son’s corruption in Ukraine.  There’s an air of nepotism for jobs for his son.”

                “Not to mention he’s an old white man and the country is vilifying those people.”

                “Right but that’s okay for the establishment lane.  It does fit the narrative but that’s really all he’s got going for him.  He just seems like he’s losing it.”

                “Right, so as a stereotypical establishment pick, he’s not doing so good.”

                “So, then there’s the Radical lane.”

                “I want to say that’s Bernie Sanders but I don’t know Elizabeth Warren seems to be taking over.”

                “I agree.  Warren is actually leading but most things I say about Warren, I can about Sanders too.  The radical pick is supposed to be socialist.  They’re supposed to be little guys that stick it to the millionaires and billionaires.”

                “Yea, equal wealth”

                “Both of them are millionaires.  They’re not owning the lane.  Warren you have her lying about being Native American so some may think she’s appropriating the Native Americans.   She manipulated the system by pretending to be Native Americans.  She doesn’t practice what she preaches.  She’s worth $ 12 million, doesn’t give to charity.  How can you say you hate millionaires when you are one?  Bernie is too.  Plus, Warren used to be a Republican, which makes the ideologues not trust her.”

                “Yea, but so was Hillary Clinton and nobody takes her liberal card.”

                “I’m talking about the radical left.  Hillary was establishment”

                “Oh, yea, I see your point, a pure radical ideologue wouldn’t like that Warren used to be a Republican.”

                “So the establishment and the Radical lanes are not being represented by a stereotypical person that personifies it.  Now we have the outside lane.”

                “This one’s a little trickier.”

                “Right now, it’s Pete Buttiegieg and Beto O’Rourke.”

                “Just for argument sake, I’ll agree because I don’t actually know.”

                “So Buttiegieg isn’t really an outsider because he was a mayor in Indiana.  He was a congressman so he has some establishment credentials so he’s not personifying it.  O’Rourke too.  First of all, he’s got the cultural appropriation problem since Francis O’Rourke calls himself ‘Beto’ to pretend to be Hispanic when he’s not.”

                ‘Yea, and he speaks Spanish too.”

                “Not to mention he almost won the Senate seat in Texas.  He’s also a millionaire and has political experience so not really an outsider.”

                “So, you’re saying they’re all frauds?”

                “No, Andrew Yang is not.  He’s a legitimate outsider.”

                “I don’t know who that is.”

                “He’s still in it and has risen in the polls faster than anyone else.  He’s a businessman with no political background.  Since he’s the only one owning the lane, I think he might cause the people on top to sweat before it’s all over.”

                “Like Carly Fiorina.”

                “Yes.”

                “But she fizzled out.”

                “Well, Trump is Trump.”

                Angela smiled, “Yea, everyone waited for him to burn out and it never happened.”

                “Is anyone really on fire now that seems to be a freight train?”

                “No, definitely not.”

                “Yang is going to be in the third debate.  Don’t count him out yet.”

                “Well, during the third debate I’ll definitely pay attention to him now that we had this discussion.”

                “Don’t get me wrong.  I’m a Trump supporter and don’t like Yang’s policy.  I’m merely saying he’s not a fraud.”

                “Well that’s so generous of you” Angela said sarcastically. 

                They land in San Martin and get their bags.  Kera and Fanis check into the hotel.  Fanis raises, “Did you ever tell me why we’re here?  I mean are there that many people looking for Chinese artifacts in San Martin?”

                “No, but there are wealthy people that don’t like having everything they do monitored by the Chinese government so they come to places with less elaborate surveillance.”

                “Ah, London is the most watched city in the world camera wise, China has the most sophisticated, so they come here.  I thought the Cayman Islands were for money laundering.”

                Kera giggled, “It is, but that’s not what we’re doing.”

                “Even if we were, you wouldn’t tell me” he said with a smile.

                “True because you don’t want me to.”

                “Also true.”

                “Besides, why would you go somewhere that everyone knows people go for nefarious activity?”

                “I see your point.  Well, I’m just going to enjoy the beach.”

                “It’s night time.”

                “I know tomorrow.  You have fun at your meeting, I’m going to the beach.”

                “Alright, leave your ear piece in.  I do want you close to me so I’ll see if I can move the meeting to the open beach.”

                “You like the beach too.”

                “ I know; that’s why I’m going to request it.”

                “Excellent.”

                “In the meantime, let’s go drink.”

                They sit at the bar and Kera revisits the conversation in the room now that they’re in public.  Although Fanis never changed his rhetoric in public or private it always fascinated Kera if he would.  She baited him with, “I don’t know why you think people in San Martin are poor. American capitalism exploits the poor.” Her tone was purposely loud.

                “That’s patently false.  The poor in America do better than most middle class people in other countries.”

                “That’s not true.” As Kera shows him statistics about America’s income compared to the rest of the world highlighting the massive overlap and how the poorest Americans do rank below most countries.”

                “That’s income.  That’s not an indication of how well someone is doing”

                “How do you figure?” She exclaimed shocked at the assertion.

                “Because income doesn’t take into account Medicaid, inflation, food stamps, government assistance and charity.”

                Kera’s voice normalized “That actually does make sense.  Ok fine, so how should we measure it?”

                “Consumption.  How much do they spend? What do they buy?”

                “And how does that measure up” Kera’s voice exposed her worry with the answer.

                “America’s poorest are richer than 64% of developed countries.”  Kera responded with a dirty look.  Fanis smiled widely and posed, “Tell me again how American capitalism hurts the poor.”

                “But Europe gives much generous welfare and money to people.”

                “Rich Americans give an obscene amount to charity.  Europeans don’t”

                “That’s just because it’s a tax write off.  They’re not better people.”

                “I would say you’re right but it doesn’t change the fact that they do.  I’d also point out that even though most of the 1% are liberals, conservatives give much more to charity than liberals.”

                After a little while, Kera and Fanis went back to the room and went to sleep.  The next day, they went to the beach. The second they walked outside and saw how hot the sun was when it was only 9:00AM, they knew to stop and get an umbrella.  Fanis dug the umbrella in and lied on a towel under it.  Kera rented a lawn chair and placed it under the umbrella.  She was dressed in business clothes as she was going to have her meeting.  The person came and invited Kera to the restaurant on the boardwalk beside the beach.  Kera gave Fanis a look that he knew was questioning if he had the ear piece in.  He gave a slight nod to let her know that he had her back.  Kera walked up the sand toward the restaurant and Fanis ran to the sea and dove in.  The ear piece was waterproof so he could hear everything that was going on.  He knew that he would be slow to Kera if something happened but he had a tracker on her.  He’s never not been able to get to her and he didn’t think this would be an exception.  After 15 minutes of battling waves, he left the water to rest under the umbrella.  He heard a couple talking and a man was yelling, “I can’t believe that asshole Trump diverted FEMA money to pay for his stupid wall.”

                Fanis yelled back, “Yea, if he did, that would be shitty.  The only problem is he didn’t”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “I’m taking about that the government’s fiscal year ends on September 30.  We’re only a month away.”

                “What’s your point?”

                “My point is that the money he took was unallocated FEMA money for this fiscal year that’s ending in a month.”

                “But hurricane season is starting.”

                “And the money for next year’s budget will deal with any relief that is needed.  President Trump didn’t take the full FEMA unallocated funds.  He only took some of it.  The rest of it only needs to last a month.”

                “Oh, but I mean, if something catastrophic happens like what’s going on in the Amazon, we need that money.”

                “That’s not how government’s budgets work. That’s probably why we always run deficits despite record high revenues. “

                “Well, the news explained that pretty badly then.”

                “No, they misled you.  They left the part out that it was unallocated funds from this year’s budget, which doesn’t end at the end of the calendar year.  They count on people not knowing the intricacies of how fiscal years are measured and what the budget means.  Only dorks like me pay attention to this shit.  That’s not even the only thing you’re reacting to that’s based on a lie about the media.  The Amazon comment is wrong too.”

                “You’re saying it’s not on fire?”

                “I’m saying most of the pictures that the media show you are not current pictures.  Some are from like 20 years ago.  Like, you don’t know that fires occur all the time in the rainforest.  2019 is actually slightly below average in fires.”

                A fishermen came by selling fish he just caught from the water.  Fanis waved him over and offered to buy a fish for the couple.  They agreed and Fanis paid for three fish.  The man responded, “So, the Amazon burns a lot.”

                The fisherman laughed and explained, “Not the actual jungle part but the farmland near it does all the time yes.”

                Fanis looked at him and grinned, “Well, they have decreased in half since their peak.”

                “Doesn’t matter.  These fires are not from any environmental factors, they’re from farmers.  They’re burning areas that they already cleared for agriculture.” The fisherman articulated.

                “Ah so the Amazon that’s already been deforested is burning”

                “Yes Sir.”

                The guy shrugged his shoulders and told Fanis, “Thanks for the fish.”

                “No problem”

                The fisherman nodded and pronounced, “Thank you”

                “Thank you” both Fanis and the man replied

                Fanis ate his fish and him and the couple made more lighthearted conversation.  When they finished, Fanis, ignoring conventional wisdom, got up and jumped back into the Caribbean.  This time when he was done fighting the waves, he relaxed under his umbrella.  After a couple more revolutions into the water and resting under the umbrella, Kera came to join him.  Although Fanis could hear what was going on, he always tuned out.  Basically he unconsciously searched for trigger words like “’help’ ‘come here’ or his name.  He remarked, “Hey, how did it go?”

                “Very well” as Kera took off her business attire revealing a bathing suit.

                They spent the whole day on the beach and then went back to the room to shower and change.  They went to a nice dinner and got some drinks afterwards.  This time, Fanis didn’t get involved in other people’s conversations.  The next day, Fanis and Kera flew back to London.  It was nice getting away even if it was just for a day.  Kera and Fanis got back to their London routine awaiting the next time work would pull them to another country in order to try to sell Chinese artifacts.  Every time they arrived back to their flat safely, Fanis considered it a successful trip for him.